I pull up the lyrics to a song that Richard Ayoade and I wrote, under the moniker The Almond Butters, so that we can figure out the words for our upcoming concert. He wants to listen to the audio first
June 11 – Joshua Jackson is funny and reserved at an illicit party
We’re having a year-end school party in the house of a stranger who normally lets a group of us use it for studying. Joshua Jackson is there, cracking jokes. I tell him he should play Paul Thomas Anderson in a
June 10 – Bill Burr gets offensive on the defensive end
While playing in a pickup basketball game, Bill Burr is being overly aggressive on the defensive end. He fouls me, and we’re over the bonus, but unfortunately the foul line is behind half court and I miss both shots. Somehow
June 9 – Mae Whitman does some petty thieving
Mae Whitman and I are very petty thieves, stealing candy and bars from a convenience store. The first few times there are no hiccups, but at one point I approach the counter to buy a large Reese’s Pieces and the
June 8 – Kanye West gets a haircut all by himself, while Bobby Cannavale captures the youth
Kanye West and I go to get mall haircuts. I get ready in the change room then walk into the hair studio in only a t-shirt and underwear. The two girls working don’t say anything but Kanye calls me out
June 7 – Mick Foley gets home-hitting insight from an alter ego
It’s late on New Year’s Eve, paper hat on my head. I’m managing a band that just finished their first performance and is late for a second show they’re doing downtown, which has a midnight set time. While I’m waiting
June 6 – Colin Quinn gets defensive about his new certification
I fly to New York for the weekend. Colin Quinn shows me his new torso length straight elephant trunk tattoo. Our friends can’t find anywhere to park, so we all band together, collecting wooden planks that they can put their
June 5 – Chuck Klosterman gets the joke of the day before noon
I’m with Lily Tomlin and Chuck Klosterman as we make minor adjustments to an official document, putting the finishing touches on our master plan that will drastically change the world. Chuck makes a crude joke, but one that’s clearly intentionally
June 3 – John Hodgman gets to attend a taping of Maria Bamford’s new special
John Hodgman finally responds to my rebuttal of Vacationland. In the letter, he uses ‘@‘ instead of ‘at’ every chance he gets. I want to tell him it’s easier and makes more sense to use ‘at’ most of the time,
June 2 – Wayne Brady gets to help me save the day
There is a sting operation underway as Wayne Brady and I try to expose the shady dealings of a popular populist politician, who looks like a Hell’s Angel and wears the same shirt every day. Before he got dressed, we