I fly to New York for the weekend. Colin Quinn shows me his new torso length straight elephant trunk tattoo. Our friends can’t find anywhere to park, so we all band together, collecting wooden planks that they can put their cars on. Once this is settled, we all go upstairs, hanging out on the patio, as Patrice O’Neal arrives.

Patrice: Does anyone know who’s in the Friday night fights?

Me: Jesse Plemons?

Colin tells us he finished a course so that he can now be a polo player’s assistant – his girlfriend is a polo player.

Me: So you’re like a caddy but for horses?

Colin (informing me): No, I’ve learned a new skill so that I can spend time with a person I like

Me: Yeah, but that’s what you’ll actually be doing.

Colin (defeated): Oh, right…

Colin then immediately launches into a tirade about hurricane systems.

Colin: The worst ones have been as big as an insect!

I assume he means on the map, but I’m faking all the knowledge I have about hurricanes so I’m careful not to step out of line by saying something that will expose me as the fraud that I am.

June 6 – Colin Quinn gets defensive about his new certification
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