You have moves. You know, dance moves. I, too, has dance moves. I’m what’s known around these parts as a dancer. And not like those grinder college kids. I mean I really dance. Like in a pretty good way. In case you’re running out of ideas, which can certainly happen after twenty years of coming up with cool new dances all the time, I want to help you out with some of mine. I do them all in a row, but you don’t have to. You may licence any of these for free, in perpetuity, unless you make any warm soft moolah from them, in which case give us a cut.
My main dance move is the double dutch rope swinger. As with many such maneuvers, the title says it all. In it I pretend I’m one of the people spinning imaginary skipping ropes for someone. You can invite your friends to be part of this, so everyone has a fun time.
Then I do the juggler, consisting mainly of me grabbing the air wildly as if I’m tossing and catching bags of beans.
Trowin’ ‘bows is when you make space on the dance floor for an upcoming impressive move, by swinging your elbows, careful not to hurt anyone but sure to maintain the cool rhythm of the song.
And finally there’s the finale, made possible by the previous move, called checking for clones. This one begins by alternate pointing to both sides of the room, the whole time with a confused look on your face, because you’re seeing the same person twice and can’t figure out why. Once you realize they’re twins OR there’s an aptly-placed mirror nearby, you’re ready for the second part of the move, in which you invite the doppelgängers to join you in a manic dancing episode.