Rajiv, Callahan and Chuck are coming to visit. After they supposedly land, I keep getting texts like, “Alright, almost there! Just a few more songs.” They must have stopped at the music festival in town. I get another one from
Toe Knee
Lou shaves my head in his bathroom. At the end, he acts like he did a great job, but it’s too dark for me to tell. I go out to the kitchen and catch my reflection in the mirror. It
December 31 – Anthony Hopkins gets an interview about the last year
iSmith: First off, I’d like to thank you for taking the time to talk with us today about your 2018 celebrity birthday messages. Ian: It’s nothing, really. I’m grateful that somebody is actually interested enough to want to discuss this
December 30 – Lebron James gets the wrong end of a firing squad
Eyes closed, an unseen lighter sparks in front of me and I inhale the first puff of my last cigarette. I can’t help but smile. This annoys the ones holding guns. It’s not that I’m not scared, but the absurdity
December 29 – Ted Danson gets a simile Ted
In the haze of the alley, on his way to meet a new companion at a fancy restaurant, the only thing Ted can make out is a gun, pointed like a singing sister right at his face. Frightened as a
December 28 – Seth Meyers gets a vanishing preposition
I’ll believe in anything. I used to live by that sentiment, appropriated from the title of a Wolf Parade song, either because of the lyrics or the music or my world around it when I’d listen to it most. Its
December 27 – Salman Khan gets culturally and linguistically twote
I’m a bit of a phobophile. I really like having my phobias, and I don’t want to lose them, any of them. I watched An Inconvenient Sequel yesterday and now I’m algoraphobic. What if… we heard it wrong, and Jesus
December 26 – Jared Leto gets an insomniac’s reasoning
Can’t sleep. Conjugating action verbs in a language I used to know. Solving the city’s traffic congestion problems. Imagining how fast the moon spins around the earth around the sun around the middle of the galaxy around whatever’s next out
December 25 – Justin Trudeau gets a Newfoundland expatriate
I live in Vancouver, at it’s about this time every year that I lament over the size of our country. You see, I’m from the east coast, all the way in the Sin Jawns, and I’m not afraid to say
December 24 – Ricky Martin gets an old friend’s storied proposals
My good friend Arthur died recently, in what is accepted as an unfortunate climbing accident. But it’s a real coincidence that he’s the only person my age I know who had made a will, and it just so happened to