We’re sitting at Paul Shaffer’s piano before trivia starts. I tell my teammates how crazy it is that Paul only had two jobs his whole life¹, first on SNL and then Letterman. Abe mentions that he has a crush on Natasha Leggero. I tell him that’s interesting because he looks exactly like Moshe Kasher², and when I go to pull up a picture of Moshe to show him, only pictures of Abe appear.

John Power didn’t show up to trivia so I call him to let him know I’ll drive everyone to the party afterwards, in case he still felt obliged. When we get there, the drummer from 54-40 takes over in Kinley’s new band, and although he’s good, he does go a bit crazy with the sticks, intentionally overshadowing everyone else.

Julie Klausner gets fired from her job as a writer for saying, about one of the other staff members, “No, this girl is actually crazy though.” Mike Tyson, who’s the showrunner, tells her that, “She has mental illness, and you triggered it.”

Before she leaves, Julie tries to print something an application for another job on the office computer. The printer runs out of paper, but she doesn’t notice and she’s nervous anyway so she grabs the paper quickly when someone else comes in. The last page of the application only comes out later, after someone else refills the paper tray. That person, the crazy woman and Julie’s nemesis, notices what it is and shows Tyson. He’s oddly livid, but quickly gets distracted by a raccoon eating a crow and forgets about Julie.

Julie ends up handing in her application for the new job with the page missing³ so in one day she gets fired and then doesn’t get a new job.

I check my closet and it’s just coats. I ask Kelly were my clothes are and she says slyly, “in the closet”. I look around some more and discover an extra room in our house4, full of stuff, including five twin mattresses5. There’s also half a pack of Reese’s Pieces, which leads me to believe I may have previously discovered the room, used it to hide my snacks, then forgot it existed.

Kelly and I go for a walk on the beach. There’s a tent on the sand with a painting next to it called Good Large Painting. The only text on the artwork says, “Always remember, October 15, 2014.”

A French guy, several paces ahead of his friends, walks alongside us on the boardwalk. He keeps speaking so I keep responding, but I’m never sure if he’s actually talking to me.

Bobalaban Bobalaban Bobalaban. My brain at wont let me stop saying Bob Balaban over and over. Does this make it my new mantra?

I’m dreaming while I’m half awake.

¹ [Editor’s note: Mr. Shaffer likely held more jobs than this throughout his life, but the author was absolutely certain of his assertion at the time.]

² [Editor’s note: Abe only looks like Moshe Kasher in the dream. Oh yeah, Moshe and Natasha are married.]

³ [Author’s note: The missing page made it so that one of her story pitches was cut off mid-sentence, making it seem like Julie was racist.]

4 [Editor’s note: Many of you may live in large houses where extra rooms are discovered regularly. However, the author lives in Vancouver and would certainly notice an extra room in his house.]

5 [Editor’s note: Two of these were blow up mattresses.]

6 [Editor’s note: This may be a reference to the Battle of the Rhyndacus, a Phillippino earthquake, or the origin of the Black Panthers, but my money is on the execution of Catalonian president Lluís Companys.]

June 30 – Mike Tyson fires Julie Klausner
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