And then I woke up.

Author’s note: For anyone following the previous 30 days of birthdays, you may have gathered that each message was essentially a separate dream, with each celebrity featured prominently in the sleep hallucination. You see –

Editor’s note: I can’t believe you’re getting on with this horseshit.

Author’s explanatory note: YOU SEE – I’ve developed this technique where I can select any single person before I fall asleep, and if executed properly, I can ensure that they will be incorporated into my dream. Every night during the month of June, I used this gift –

Editor’s exasperated note: A gift? What is this even? No one will believe you. It’s like that Bill Murray story you keep –

Author’s defensive note: Hey now! You know I was eating a plate of fries after watching a Cubs game and Bill Murray came up and –

Editor’s key note: We can’t go through this again. Fine, you met Bill Murray and he took your fries. We’re getting off track. So you stand by that this “technique” that you “developed” –

Author’s historical note: You wouldn’t understand, obviously. It’s connected to lucid dreaming. When I lived in the Peruvian mountains, I trained with a Yewasca who helped unlock certain powers within me.

Editor’s questioning note: Sure it did~. So – and hear me out for a minute – is it at all possible that you experienced dreams, wrote them down, and replaced the actual dream characters with the corresponding birthday celebrity? This still requires a rare skill and they won’t be less impressed.

Author’s nothing note: What are you –

Editor’s sleuthy note: And look at the times these were posted. And these all happened the night before their birthday? So most days you woke up at 5:00am to record your dream in writing and take the necessary steps to get it online?

Author’s avoidance note: Yeah. I mean, it makes sense. You don’t – I only know my own truth and you can’t – Oh no, is that the right time? I have to go celebrate Canada’s birthday. All dreams are 100% accurate.

Editor’s questioning note: Hundy p?

Author’s dejected note: Hundy p…

Editor’s smug note: You lie. you’re a filthy liar.

July 1 – Missy Elliott gets awoken from a slumberous month
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