I’m in a cramped office, advising Elon Musk on how to spend his money.
Me: “Try EVERYTHING, no matter how absurd it sounds.”
He decides to open a brewery at the top of any ancient hill in Greece. He tries to convince Larry David to do it with him, to no avail. No matter, Elon and I scout locations and almost immediately find a suitable hill.
However, crazy bug parasites unique to the area build their own difficult-to-destroy bodies and brain systems. They attack us, and our guides panic and run away. I step up and beat one to death with a large wooden stick. Elon and the others then look to me to lead them in destroying these invaders, who don’t truly die until its core, a tiny beetle-like bug, crawls out and you step on it.
I do not commit to be their principal, but various media sources pick up on my act, and a new journalistic term is born – Founder of Reversal, which refers to content being attributed to who gets the most clicks¹, not who wrote the original piece.
I abscond from Greece in a helicopter, where I watch a movie in which Tim Allen plays John Early’s dad and they play off each other really well.
I land in Toronto, where four girls from Newfoundland just moved after finishing high school. They all go into marketing or promotions and become relatively successful. One of them, along with Redman, begins managing Pete Mills, truly believing he can be huge, and “maybe even the next Cobain”. She is upset nobody ever considered her part of the St. John’s music scene, although realistically she never was.
I visit my family, who now all live in the same building, and an anniversary gift from Newman to Leah is on their wall. It’s the standard black chat picture, but the only words written on it are, in Sharpie, “Lo’, let’s learn anglais!”
I ask if that’s racist, and Newman assures me that, “it’s not – it’s an inside joke.” I contend, “Sure, but probably still racist.”²
¹ [with their altered version from the same source material)
² [Editor’s note: It’s not.]