A few days ago there was a nighttime fire alarm in my hotel, and I rushed to get outside to safety. When I finally reached the sidewalk, I realized I was naked. Others looked at me in disgust, or with pity, or not at all, and I felt the need to defend myself. “For I shall not be the one who becomes engulfed in flames simply because I was too slow to exit the building. I will not die because my clothes were more important than my safety. The social construct of shame will not be my murderer. I am not a victim. Gaze upon thee, for I have nothing to hide.”

I opened my arms wide and looked to the heavens with eyes closed and mouth smiling. A slow clap ensued. One woman began to disrobe. The others shed their clothing as well, in a show of solidarity. However, a quick investigation by the fire department revealed that it was I who pulled the fire alarm, as seen on security footage.

“The culprit I may be, but my pulling of said alarm was done for truth and transparency. You can now see the people you all are, initially deriding a man for something as natural as nighttime nudity, but not gaining the wisdom that we are all one. Our ancestors frolicked together in the open air until religion and fear covered them up. Be free once again, my brothers and sisters.”

January 30 – Wilmer Valderrama gets a hotel fire alarm
Tagged on:                 

One thought on “January 30 – Wilmer Valderrama gets a hotel fire alarm

  • February 1, 2018 at 6:09 am

    I think I’ll pass on that one , Ian. They should put you in jail and throw away the key!!!!! You have no care about putting us all to shame. Your loving uncle, Eddie.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *