A banana, an elastic band and an alarm clock sit on a bar. A banana, an elastic band, and an alarm clock. The three items that bring to the forefront a sense of my own mortality, and to a lesser
November 22 – Mark Ruffalo gets a business traveller’s hotel room
An arrow stitched into the carpet of my hotel room, pointing me to a sacred land and urging me to make the pilgrimage, is evidently unaware how exhausted I am from the flight. I can only lie still, so I
November 13 – Whoopi Goldberg gets another EGOT
Emily, Graham, Oscar and Tony walk into a bar. Every Friday evening, the party of four enters through the side door of The Academic sometime around seven, commanding the attention of any guest who happens to already be inside. Their
October 31 – Jon Wurster gets a George Street mystery
# DONNIE Now no matter what it looks like out yer window, this is not a standard Friday night in town. There’s no rain, not a drop of wind, and you might even stay outside for a bit after your
October 29 – Richard Dreyfuss gets an imperfect bet
As a documentarian, I’m over here making a documentary. On the surface it appears to be about gambling, but at its core it considers what is, transparently, a gamble for other people that is a sure thing for me. The
October 18 – Jean-Claude Van Damme gets a boy trapped in a refrigerator who eats his own foot
It is rather spacious in here. Like, the space, there’s tons of it. I know I’m only a little fella, but this beats sharing a room with that meathead who hits me but pretends it’s me hitting myself but it’s
October 16 – Flea gets animal collective nouns
I wake up in my sleeping pod to the sun’s rays scurrying in through the window. My leg dangles over the side of the bed until the rest of my body is ready to take on the day. Not a
October 13 – Sacha Baron Cohen gets advice from a man in a suit in a kiosk on a street
I punch in my redundant PIN number and request twenty smackeroos, which I’m handed stiffly by the supposed clerk on the other side of the envelope-sized slot. Hurrying back to the suited kiosked man, I trip and stumble over a
October 12 – Hugh Jackman gets a man in a suit in a kiosk on a street
Strolling down Water Street, I pass a homemade kiosk containing a well-dressed proprietor and an attached sign declaring, in bright green letters, that the man inside will provide surreal yet sound financial advice for a single dollar. Before today I
October 4 – Liev Schreiber gets cautioned by a porscheman
As a man with a Porsche, I have a duty to those without. I represent for you the possibility of possibilities, and so I must maintain the appearance of happiness and importance, of someone you wish you were. It can