Hey, if you’ve got lemons, make lemonade. Can’t argue with that one. In my own backyard, planted by my mother’s mother for aesthetics alone, lives a single, fruitful lemon tree. Each year of my early life, the ripened mini yellow
September 19 – Jimmy Fallon gets a tale of two Smittys
He was the best of kinds, he was the worst of kinds. He was the age of the Olsen twins, he was the age of the LeBron James. He seasoned with salt, he seasoned with pepa. He regretted everything, he
September 18 – Billy Eichner gets a father’s son who’s watched it all
After completing the Season 7 finale of American Horror Story earlier this morning, Florida man Graham Fatherson has finally caught up on every television show ever made. “I’m exhausted, I really am,” Fatherson admitted, “but I’m proud of everything I’ve
September 17 – Alex Ovechkin gets questionable certainties
My girlfriend asked me what time Staples closes, the one next to our house. I guessed 9:00pm, and, you won’t believe this, I was dead on! So it got me thinking, what else am I right about? Is archaeology now
September 16 – Jennifer Tilly gets alternative hat-tricks for an evolving sports world
As a partial Canadian, you probably know about hockey, right? And if you know about hockey, you might even be aware of Gordie Howe. And if you know about him, you definitely know about the Gordie Howe hat-trick. A traditional
September 12 – Paul F. Tompkins gets commissioned for marriage
Hello everyone. For some reason I was given the pleasure and privilege to perform this ceremony, so shut your butts up up and let me to that. I’d like to ask everyone to take your places. Seating is limited, so
September 11 – Ted Leo gets notes from his show at the now-defunct Cobalt
Last November, you and your Pharmacists played a show at a venue in Vancouver that has since shut down. It was really great. The show, not the venue. Although the venue was cool too. Anyway, I wrote down some notes
September 10 – Ryan Phillippe gets a cobbling thief and an obituaried doll
As a businessman who does business things while on business trips, I often return from these business trips as well. Today is one of those days, and I find an unenveloped letter on my coffee table Dear Homeowner: I would
September 9 – Adam Sandler gets Rhyming Palinilaps
Cry jewy-side grizzly pride, cot razz died Mopping tour cud sith nor-mal deride Pawn stars? Risky wide choices tied matricide Reese’s won’t few go rat new should’ve fried, new would’ve fried pith feu con furs gat balk, con furs gat
September 8 – Neko Case gets a sponsored suitcase, owned and abandoned
(Who Left This Monkey-Freaking Suitcase on This) Monday to Friday (Plane?) — sponsored post Day 1: You’re walking to the bus stop, to take advantage of the always-on-time Translink service, on the way to your awesome job as a sales