My girlfriend asked me what time Staples closes, the one next to our house. I guessed 9:00pm, and, you won’t believe this, I was dead on! So it got me thinking, what else am I right about?
- Is archaeology now a moot point?
- Does everyone feel like a magician every time they pour the water out of recently boiled pasta?
- Are there only two types of people in the world – those who think Jonah from Veep is more like Bachman, and those who think he’s more of a Jared?
- Do the largest among us waddle in order to send signals to their master, or because it’s fun as heck?
- Is Africa actually only as big as Alaska, but with a couple more diamonds?
- Do t-shirts with writing on them, intended to comment on the stupidity of the reader, in fact comment on the stupidity of the wearer?
- Are Lars von Trier and Gus van Sant the same person?
- For a girl I know, is it, in fact, Mother’s Day?
- Can your average graveyard spider eat up to six humans a year?
- Is The Giver an allegory for a hangover?
- Are oil spills our way of getting revenge on the birds who poop on our oil machines?
- Do we all laugh in the same language, and is that language Vazimba?
- After finally winning the Stanley Cup and not feeling that special feeling one is expected to feel after reaching their sport’s pinnacle, did everyone on your team realize, instantaneously, that they should have signed up for tennis on sports sign-up day in junior high?
If you disagree with any of the above, well, you’re wrong, slain and pimple. My correct Staples closing time guess ensures all of the answers are yes, as they should be.
September 17 – Alex Ovechkin gets questionable certainties