As a businessman who does business things while on business trips, I often return from these business trips as well. Today is one of those days, and I find an unenveloped letter on my coffee table

Dear Homeowner:
I would like to sincerely apologize for what I have done. I lost my job a few months ago and all my investments a few months before that. Attempts to retrieve either have thus far been unsuccessful. My wife is in the hospital and I need to do everything I can to support her and our children. I had nowhere else to turn and was forced to sink to this level. I am not okay with what I am doing, and I truly hope that your insurance covers most of what I take. If you have any missing items that you value sentimentally and do not have a high resale value, please send the list to and I will do my best to return them.
Sorry again,
Cobbling Thief

Now wait a minute, thief guy. I’m not even sure that my house has been robbed. Or can only a person get robbed? Either way, I scan the rooms and it turns out he wasn’t pulling my or anyone else’s legs. The place is disheveled, and I’m starting to believe him (or her!). I notice that a lot of monetarily valuable items have been taken, but as he mentioned, my insurance should take care of those. There is only one thing missing that I’ll call unreplaceable, and it’s been with me since I was a kid. How he saw any potential value for in this at all, I do not know and I cannot say, and so I must email his email and get it back.

What the businessman victim from above does not know is that he won’t be getting back his sentimental item, a fluffy doll that was given to him for his 0th birthday and manged to stay intact until now. He’s not getting it back because the old fluffy doll will be a replacement for a different doll, his daughter’s, that found its demise due to carelessness, some say negligence, of Ronald Watkins (AKA Cobbling Thief!) Ronald’s letter to the businessman make him, Ronald, sound like he was a regular fella who fell on hard times, but to be truthful, he’s a bit of a hard ticket all around, always has been. Even so, until the replacement doll was put into Susie’s hands, Ronald did feel bad about how it all went down, and so, to ease the familial pain, he wrote an obituary for Little Lucy Lazipants, whose name he did not know at the time. To avoid being found out as the cobbling thief, a single lie is told in the newspaper, as seen below.

Small Doll
October 1, 2014 – October 14, 2014
Small was conceived by toy designer Brett Adams in Palo Alto, California, and later manufactured at a production facility in Shenzhen, China by an assembly line of 14 fourteen-year-olds. Purchased as a birthday present for little Susie Watkins of Campbell River, the baby doll met her unfortunate demise when Watkins’ father drunkenly allowed his pet komodo dragon to roam free in the living room, eventually torching Small’s head and melting the plastic that held it together. She was missed greatly by Susie until her parents bought a replacement doll, which can crawl and say words such as “goo” and “gah”, so that Susie would forget all about Small.
In lieu of flowers, please make a donation to the Human Fund in Small’s name.

[Editor’s note: If you have found the lie, or any lie ever told, please email with the correctamundo and you might win a prize!]

[Editor’s note II: The prize is a doll.]

September 10 – Ryan Phillippe gets a cobbling thief and an obituaried doll
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