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poem

November 5 – Bryan Adams gets Vancouverified

November 5 – Bryan Adams gets Vancouverified

Vancouver, as you know, is something else. It’s a computer simulation of a city, even excluding the inescapable hazy green downtown windows. The rich are too rich, the poor too poor, and nobody has the anything to consider anyone else.

iansmitty November 5, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

October 26 – Hillary Clinton gets opposing approaches leading to the same destination

October 26 – Hillary Clinton gets opposing approaches leading to the same destination

On sweltering days, when the sun is out and the grocery store is having a sweet sale, I will buy a tub of ice cream, the mostly vanilla with hoof prints caramel chocolates scattered throughout, and I’ll feel nothing but

iansmitty October 26, 2018December 31, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

October 3 – Gwen Stefani gets a holler back woman

October 3 – Gwen Stefani gets a holler back woman

This, this is what I enjoy. The warning of your impending arrival. I have been through this before and I am ready for you. As you should know by now, I am not a woman with whom you can simply

iansmitty October 3, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

September 22 – Joan Jett gets a collaborative sonnet by @iansmitty and an aigorithm

September 22 – Joan Jett gets a collaborative sonnet by @iansmitty and an aigorithm

Bending over Kendell’s highly secure questions. Step after the single take videos Cattle Productions What’s oreos? Cyril Sneer At least I’m not a fomophobaphobe The brewery in my bottle of beer Not wearing a bathrobe? Frizzy bits Him eat curry

iansmitty September 22, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

September 19 – Jimmy Fallon gets a tale of two Smittys

September 19 – Jimmy Fallon gets a tale of two Smittys

He was the best of kinds, he was the worst of kinds. He was the age of the Olsen twins, he was the age of the LeBron James. He seasoned with salt, he seasoned with pepa. He regretted everything, he

iansmitty September 19, 2018April 10, 2020 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

September 9 – Adam Sandler gets Rhyming Palinilaps

September 9 – Adam Sandler gets Rhyming Palinilaps

Cry jewy-side grizzly pride, cot razz died Mopping tour cud sith nor-mal deride Pawn stars? Risky wide choices tied matricide Reese’s won’t few go rat new should’ve fried, new would’ve fried pith feu con furs gat balk, con furs gat

iansmitty September 9, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

July 5 – Nardwuar the Human Serviette gets one hundred years of solitaire

July 5 – Nardwuar the Human Serviette gets one hundred years of solitaire

Year 1: Ohhhhh, black on red, red on black. Year 4: Ohhhhh, the number on the card needs to be slightly lower than the one it goes on. Year 17: Ohhhh, jacks and queens and kings are like elevens and

iansmitty July 5, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

July 2 – Scott Aukerman gets an inclusionary Canadian anthem

July 2 – Scott Aukerman gets an inclusionary Canadian anthem

O and A and E and I and U and sometimes Y Canada! Our home and native land and seas which are close to our land! True or false patriot love or disdain in all of us command or suggest

iansmitty July 2, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

May 15 – Madeleine Albright gets a modernization of a classic rap song

May 15 – Madeleine Albright gets a modernization of a classic rap song

As I previously mentioned, a couple of unnamed rappers wrote a song some years ago whose content is despicable to me and my minions, but the music itself is unfortunately quite catchy. Now more than ever, it’s time for a

iansmitty May 15, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

My Will

I have this tumour in my gut, so I’d guess that I have the best chance of being the next one in the room to die. Once I am gone, you will feel compelled to honour my final wishes, as

iansmitty December 3, 2017December 30, 2018 Poems No Comments Read more
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