People¹ always ask me where I get my ideas. Oh man, they come from everywhere! Dreams, strangers, the back of a bus that left me in its dust because I was too enrapt by a ladybug on a pole to notice it stop in front of me seconds earlier. But the problem is, that’s all I am, is an ideas man. The follow-through is lacking, admittedly, likely because of beguiling ladybugs and such. So I humbly accept the inevitable, that I will begin many projects but rarely finish any, for I am nothing if not a startist.
One task I’ve had on the to-do list for a couple of years is to pickle jars of pickles. It will be one massive jar effectively brining numerous smaller jars of varying sizes and brands, and will look a little something like this:
I already have the massive jar, patiently waiting under my² barbecue for longer than my dog has been alive. And I have the to-be-pickled jars as well. Al I need is the pickling ingredients and a few wires or something to keep them suspended. So a good start, sure, but not something you’ll be seeing on display anytime soon.
There’s also a series in the works where I crop famous paintings and re-sell them as the zoomed-in portion. It’s a little Richard Prince-y, and is probably meant to comment on some disagreeable aspect of high art, but maybe not actually. The partial Dali below is a decent example but doesn’t really convey the secret medium in which my version will be flooped.
An illustrator’s² words once told me that she wouldn’t bother creating her own font because the people who do it are too obsessed with relative kerning and whatnot and she didn’t want to go down that rabbit hole. This didn’t deter me, though, in my quest to sit somewhere in that hole and make a font inspired by local graffiti guy David: Unfortunately, I only had 4 of his letters to go on, and the Ds are dissimilar at best, so as far as I got was
creating my own personal ‘smittii’ font that I forgot I made and happened to use on the ‘May birthday‘ featured images thinking it was just a random type from the internet.
To get back at the man trying to pay people in exposure, I intend to offer my services to this man, accepting unpaid offers and then performing them with intentional awfulness at them. So far, I’ve had 0 takers, likely correlating with my 0 skills, so this one is still in the bank too.
After listening to the first episode of Homecoming and thinking the whole time that the main character was voiced by a different actress, I decided to create an audio clip trivia game called Catherine Keener or Rashida Jones. Someday, but not today because it isn’t finished yet, children all over will be clamoring to play and I will be applauded wherever I go.
I’ve made a few album covers for fictional bands, and I have a real intention to record one song for each band so that they’re not as fictional anymore. As of this writing, only Executive Producer has more than 0 songs.
Then again, since EP has several RPM records under his belt, another project I’d like to have under mine is a completed Song Exploder-y episode for one of his tunes. This one is still in the early stages as well, with a little taste right here.
Matoma’s remix of Old Thing Back might be my favourite song, but misses the mark due to Biggie giving a verse to Ja Rule and his horse voice. I tried to make the world better by removing that abhorrent section. It’s still a little off, so I won’t give myself any credit for actually finishing this one.
I’d like to produce two versions of my first novel: the original, and then a variation that will sell for cheaper because it’s subsidized by corporate donors. So far, only a sponsored short story has been finished.
My dreams interest me to no end, and it’s my goal to show them to the world, in Drunk History-esque depictions, possibly animated. This is another abstraction that has gone nowhere and is showing no movement to go anywhere else.
Someday, all of these will be made. Until then, I will be here, conceiving of great ideas then losing them to the wind of distraction as a devout follower of startism.
¹ [mostly Adam Eget when he’s not busy doing what he does under the Queensboro Bridge]