My father, Antonio Pizzaloni Sr., dismissed me from school for good on my fifteenth birthday. He strode into my Norwegian Geography class and announced that my brother was dead, and so I was now in line to take over the
A banana, an elastic band and an alarm clock sit on a bar. A banana, an elastic band, and an alarm clock. The three items that bring to the forefront a sense of my own mortality, and to a lesser
I understand the religious idea behind Jehovah’s Witnesses coming to your door, trying to convert you to believe in whatever it is they believe it. Jehovah is Jesus I think, but a different Jesus than Catholic Jesus for whatever reason,
If it weren’t for you, 747s wouldn’t have even one hydraulic pressure resonance suppressor tube. A long flight after a long stopover after a long security line wouldn’t be at all tolerable if the whole plane was vibrating like an
I used to feel nothing but pity for those unable to grow a beard¹. I still do, but I used to, too. I’m talking about a real, full bush of a beard. These unfortunate men don’t get to choose how
Only the most elite of symphonies, with the most particular and snooty of players, can afford to hire page turners for its stars. Someone whose sole duty is to wait until two sheets worth of music are played, and then
I’ve never worked at a fast food restaurant, but I can only imagine the hijinks that must go on in one of those places. I missed out on an important part of being a teenager, all because I found that
Ernest Hemingway, Mary Poppins, Julius Kelp and Henry Jekyll walk into a bar.¹ Hemingway does what he’s been doing since before you got here and orders a whiskey and soda. The bartender points to the top shelf but is shooed
An arrow stitched into the carpet of my hotel room, pointing me to a sacred land and urging me to make the pilgrimage, is evidently unaware how exhausted I am from the flight. I can only lie still, so I
Go for a walk in a slower part of a city while you listen to this. Look around. What do you see? Just think it. Don’t say it out loud. Ask someone near you what time they were born. Hand
