Mark wins $1000 from a Christmas scratch-off. He doesn’t offer to share any of the money with anyone else, not even Ricky Gervais, who bought him the ticket, or to a lesser extent me, who scratched the winner for him when he couldn’t find a coin. He starts talking about some unrelated nonsense and interrupts himself to tell Kelly to stop chewing so loudly.

She’s taken aback but then interrupts him, as she should, to defend herself. “Is it really too loud for you?! I’m across the room sure!”

I pick up a magazine and start reading about these giants who live throughout the universe and can fly and hover effortlessly in essentially any atmosphere or space.

Generally solitary creatures, occasionally one of the giants will stop in to Earth for snacks.

(cut to) A large shadowy figure, moving like one of the Power Rangers during the title scene. The surroundings grow more and more intense.

(quick cut to) The giant is sitting in a field with his human son, on a calm day. It is immediately obvious that this giant has a mental disability.

Giant: “They can’t find one bit of food for me to eat! So hungry! At least I managed to scrounge up some of this.”

Giant Dad pulls out a massive¹ joint and lights it.

(cut to) I’m in my detective lab, staring at an interactive map that shows the location of any giants with a close proximity to Earth. This is the first time I’ve ever seen two blips at once. It turns out an evil, aggressive female giant is nearby and will certainly ravage the town. Giant Dad, who is slow on the best of days, is forced to fight her even though he doesn’t want to, since he’s a peaceful creature, and now he’s pretty high.

Ricky smacks the magazine out of my hand and reminds me to finish the shared order Kelly and I had started on DoorDash.

Me (reading my phone): “What’s de-jai-drin?”

Kelly (pronouncing it perfectly): “Deux-hi-dreh? It’s a membraneless kind of s–“

I interrupt enthusiastically. “Like a soup?!”

Kelly sighs. “Sure, like a soup.”

I place the order as Rajiv texts to let me know we have a reservation for Cuchillo tomorrow night and there are a lot of people coming. I start typing that Lou already made one for a few of us, excluding Rajiv, but the message is getting complicated so I call him instead. The reception is really bad so I tell him to just hang up and I’ll go back to texting. He’s annoyed and yells, “That’s why I texted in the first place!”

Rajiv and I find a seat sale and book a last minute flight to Toronto to surprise my family that’s visiting Leah for her birthday. I show up and go, “Hey! I’m here!”

Nobody’s surprised. Mark chimes in, “As you should be. Mom bought you a ticket on points months ago.” I check my calendar and sure enough, I had a flight booked that I missed, so now I have two return flights.

¹ [Author’s note: to me, not to him]

June 25 – Ricky Gervais misses out on the buyer’s take of a lottery win
Tagged on:             

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *