Cyndi Lauper is on the roof of St. Pat’s church. The proctor¹ doesn’t see her but keeps an eye on us to make sure we’re not up to anything fishy, and eventually he goes back inside.

We brainstorm ideas, looking for the best way to get Cyndi down. Mine is clearly the best, but she can’t hear me so she returns to self-reflection. Very quickly, she tires of thinking about it and hops onto a lower ledge then jumps to the ground from there, about 40 feet in only two moves. Her attempt at a successful tuck and roll is thwarted when she bangs her forehead against the sidewalk and bounces backwards. She’s fine, which is obvious by the confidence in which she performs the obligartory “ta-da” gesture.

Cyndi now out of harm’s way, I head to my parents’s house and start listening to Ted Leo on their deck. Three young people are carrying a case of beer through the backyard. I follow them with my eyes but try to remain hidden so they don’t get nervous and run away. They’ve been up all night drinking and only want to keep it going for a little while longer.

Once they pass, I notice a very cute bear-like creature on the ground. We’re try to determine if it’s a kid in a costume or a bear. I decide definitively it’s a kid in a costume. The owners overhear our debate and assure me it’s a cute baby bear cub. Toast runs down to play with it.

Michael Stipe comes outside and sits next to me with a beer. I want to ask him about the time a guy on acid broke into his house, but then I remember it was actually Moby. Instead, we listen to his recent Song Exploder as we figure out how to pronounce “Hrishikesh Hirway”.

Unsuccessful, I carry the recycling into the garage. I get stopped by someone telling me that Burton² is moving away, and I wonder if I’m supposed to care. Across the street, Jack Dempsey³ is singing, “I value the goods in the undersold” with an air of communism about him.

¹ [Author’s note: I know I say “the proctor” like he’s in charge of the church, and in actuality, it might be true. He’s at like the same level as a deacon, whatever that means.]

² [Editor’s note: The author does not know a Burton, which is likely why he didn’t seem to care about this.]

³ [Editor’s note: While Jack Dempsey is a real person, a now-dead former professional boxer, this Jack Dempsey has never existed on this plane.]

June 22 – Cyndi Lauper descends from a roof of her own accord
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