I work in marketing, and no matter what Bill Hicks says, I’ll probably go on living anyway. I first got turned on to the advertising field as a five-and-a-half-year-old and saw three mind-blowing commercials back-to-back-to-back. It turns out most marketing jobs these days are more focused on data and efficiency and selling and framing rather than actual creative output, but I’m looking to move towards a role where I only need to use my rightest brain, and so I’ll be showcasing some of my bright ideas to here.

I’ve also always wanted to start companies, ever since my six-year-old self sat on a busy corner next to my house with a bottle of poppers and a rag, eager to sell my services under the name Rise and Shoeshine. I realized then that coming up with the moniker was a lot more fun than kneeling on concrete polishing leather, so my upcoming businesses will be more of that, the marketing of it all. Potential names are Talos DesignClimb Creative and Red Eye Marketing, but I’ll probably think of a better one in a minute and go with that instead.

Social media seems to be where all the kids hang out these days, and some of those kids might have money, which means they could be your customers, with the right enticements. Here are a few spec images I made for various organizations to put on their social thingies – they’re either simple or poignant or total brand pivots, but no matter what, the shares and likes will be breaking through the social roof and make my services clamoured for throughout the advertising world.

Maple Leaf
State of New York Tourism
Mountain Equipment Co-op
Teacher Appreciation Week

RPM Challenge
Milky Way
Cobs Bread


If your company is still on the fence about hiring my company that will only actually exist when someone hires it for the first time, then here’s a few taglines that’ll be sure to solidify your confidence in me. They don’t all have to be great, but they do all have to be puns.

FedEx: Freight or Flight – We’ll get it there.

Fogo Island Inn: Wake me up before you Fogo.

City of Pamplona Tourism: Get gored, not bored!

The Wallpaper Company: Don’t worry – this will be paintless!

Planned Parenthood: I. You. D?

Rolo: Rolo? YOLO!

Bing: One Bing to search them all, One Bing to find results, and in the darkness Bing the pain.

All Kinds of Musical Instruments:
– Need a guitar? Takamine!
– Want this accordion? You can Hohner for just a couple of C notes!
– Don’t you think this piano looks sexy? Yamaha-nds would be happy bangin’ on dem keys!
– Need a new kit? Sabian a drummer just got a whole lot easier!
December 12 – Mayim Bialik gets a marquetter’s fortpolio
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