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december

December 31 – Anthony Hopkins gets an interview about the last year

December 31 – Anthony Hopkins gets an interview about the last year

iSmith: First off, I’d like to thank you for taking the time to talk with us today about your 2018 celebrity birthday messages. Ian: It’s nothing, really. I’m grateful that somebody is actually interested enough to want to discuss this

iansmitty December 31, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

December 30 – Lebron James gets the wrong end of a firing squad

December 30 – Lebron James gets the wrong end of a firing squad

Eyes closed, an unseen lighter sparks in front of me and I inhale the first puff of my last cigarette. I can’t help but smile. This annoys the ones holding guns. It’s not that I’m not scared, but the absurdity

iansmitty December 30, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

December 29 – Ted Danson gets a simile Ted

December 29 – Ted Danson gets a simile Ted

In the haze of the alley, on his way to meet a new companion at a fancy restaurant, the only thing Ted can make out is a gun, pointed like a singing sister right at his face. Frightened as a

iansmitty December 29, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

December 28 – Seth Meyers gets a vanishing preposition

December 28 – Seth Meyers gets a vanishing preposition

I’ll believe in anything. I used to live by that sentiment, appropriated from the title of a Wolf Parade song, either because of the lyrics or the music or my world around it when I’d listen to it most. Its

iansmitty December 28, 2018August 19, 2019 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

December 27 – Salman Khan gets culturally and linguistically twote

December 27 – Salman Khan gets culturally and linguistically twote

I’m a bit of a phobophile. I really like having my phobias, and I don’t want to lose them, any of them. I watched An Inconvenient Sequel yesterday and now I’m algoraphobic. What if… we heard it wrong, and Jesus

iansmitty December 27, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

December 26 – Jared Leto gets an insomniac’s reasoning

December 26 – Jared Leto gets an insomniac’s reasoning

Can’t sleep. Conjugating action verbs in a language I used to know. Solving the city’s traffic congestion problems. Imagining how fast the moon spins around the earth around the sun around the middle of the galaxy around whatever’s next out

iansmitty December 26, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

December 25 – Justin Trudeau gets a Newfoundland expatriate

December 25 – Justin Trudeau gets a Newfoundland expatriate

I live in Vancouver, at it’s about this time every year that I lament over the size of our country. You see, I’m from the east coast, all the way in the Sin Jawns, and I’m not afraid to say

iansmitty December 25, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

December 24 – Ricky Martin gets an old friend’s storied proposals

December 24 – Ricky Martin gets an old friend’s storied proposals

My good friend Arthur died recently, in what is accepted as an unfortunate climbing accident. But it’s a real coincidence that he’s the only person my age I know who had made a will, and it just so happened to

iansmitty December 24, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

December 23 – Noël Wells gets a gets a breath wish and a deodo-rant

December 23 – Noël Wells gets a gets a breath wish and a deodo-rant

The nurse quietly closes the door to his private room on the sixth floor, leaving Randolph alone with his estranged son for the first time in years. Trevor had flown in from Topeka earlier that day, finally acquiescing to his

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December 22 – Anthony Jeselnik gets exploratory comedy

December 22 – Anthony Jeselnik gets exploratory comedy

Stand-up comedy is full of options. I could stand here and yell profanities. I could recount nonsense. I could illustrate the differences between two groups of people. I could tell stories about things that have happened to me, including what

iansmitty December 22, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more
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