So it’s early in the morning, when I should be up cooking breakfast or something by then, which I am, for ourselves and a friend who spent last night on our couch. We start off pretty good, frying up some eggs, hashbrowns and toast, throwing on some coffee and pouring up some juice, but as we’re sitting down to eat, I realize we’re completely out of any sort of bread spread. I call down to my neighbour, who’s hanging outside on his patio.

“Hey man, got any butter?”
“Yeah, sure. I’ll bring it up.”

He joins us a few minutes later, carrying a handful of items. Without speaking, he immediately begins setting up some sort of contraption and asking who wants to go first. I’m confused, but he’s the guy who has what we want, so I say I will. He lights the blowtorch that I hadn’t seen until now and explains how to smoke the pot using the now-assembled device. He’s clearly already kind of high, but I’m not really up for it at this point, still pre-breakfast, so I politely decline. Now he’s the one who’s confused.

“Didn’t you want some budder?”
“Yeah… Was hoping to spread some on my toast.”
“Oh shit, I thought you meant bud-der. I feel like an idiot.”
“Not a big deal. So… do you have any butter?
“Uh, no man. Sorry.”

[Author’s note: And that’s how we ended up not getting butter that we thought we were going to get.]

April 12 – Ilana Glazer gets a budder-butter mix-up
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