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april

April 30 – Gal Gadot gets an indirect plea to invite me into her creed

April 30 – Gal Gadot gets an indirect plea to invite me into her creed

I was raised culturally Catholic, but my appearance in recent years has led strangers to assume I’m Jewish. A Palestinian with a mental illness once challenged me to a fight because of it when he got in my face about

iansmitty April 30, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

April 29 – Jerry Seinfeld gets a cerealized hugger-mugger

April 29 – Jerry Seinfeld gets a cerealized hugger-mugger

In November of last year, the Trix rabbit was dead found in the woods near a popular swimming hole, his usual floppy ears wrapped tightly around his neck and hanging from a branch of an oak tree. This… is Cereal,

iansmitty April 29, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

April 28 – Jessica Alba gets a weekend worrier

April 28 – Jessica Alba gets a weekend worrier

Maggie Trelanda is crying for the third time this week. All day, her boss Roy was up to his usual crumduggery, yelling about underperforming campaigns and budgetary antelopes, and Maggie, the sensitive soul that she is, couldn’t help but let

iansmitty April 28, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

April 27 – Ace Frehley gets a straightforward review of Rand Acce Memo

April 27 – Ace Frehley gets a straightforward review of Rand Acce Memo

Are you not conjointly enervated with the superfluous linguistical verbiage adopted by the critical bourgeois to substantiate their superincumbent intellect? Well I say let’s get back to basics. Album reviews in words with four letters or less. I can talk

iansmitty April 27, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

April 26 – Jemima Kirke gets a scientific discovery

April 26 – Jemima Kirke gets a scientific discovery

This whole life thing becomes increasingly mind-blowing the more you think about it. I am fully shocked that we’re not all freaking out all of the time, purely based on the incredibility of the world. Let’s begin with the overall

iansmitty April 26, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

April 25 – Hank Azaria gets a character study

April 25 – Hank Azaria gets a character study

You play a good few characters on the teevee. You’ll likely never play any of mine, but you should get to know a few of them anyway, in case the paradigm shifts and someone gives me the run of the

iansmitty April 25, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

April 24 – Barbra Streisand gets a rider’s guest list

April 24 – Barbra Streisand gets a rider’s guest list

You take it for granted, as you would after getting so many, but me and my ilk, the non-performers – we yearn to make our own guest list and see it come to fruition. I want people I know to

iansmitty April 24, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

April 23 – John Oliver gets a platitude adjustment

April 23 – John Oliver gets a platitude adjustment

In this world of polarized views and unpolarized sunglasses and melting polarized bears, meaningful sayings are all I have to get me through the days, one day at a time. For tomorrow is another day that has always been and

iansmitty April 23, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

April 22 – Ryan Stiles gets a deeper game of Guess Who?

April 22 – Ryan Stiles gets a deeper game of Guess Who?

Morton: Do you believe in God? Whitney: No. Have you ever had a unique opinion about anything? Morton: No. Would you interrupt two people having an enjoyable private conversation in a bar? Whitney: Yes. If you found out your partner

iansmitty April 22, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

April 21 – Tony Danza gets objectionable mondegreens

April 21 – Tony Danza gets objectionable mondegreens

You must be so sick of the Tiny Dancer people telling you they confuse the line with your name. And rightfully so. But these misheard lines, they’re not all about getting you to hold people closer – they’re about everything,

iansmitty April 21, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more
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