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2018

November 13 – Whoopi Goldberg gets another EGOT

November 13 – Whoopi Goldberg gets another EGOT

Emily, Graham, Oscar and Tony walk into a bar. Every Friday evening, the party of four enters through the side door of The Academic sometime around seven, commanding the attention of any guest who happens to already be inside. Their

iansmitty November 13, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

November 12 – Megan Mullally gets my doula Oblangata

November 12 – Megan Mullally gets my doula Oblangata

Oblangata is a Nigerian woman of untold age. She is loud and intrusive, tough but kind-hearted. Erin is newly married and five months pregnant with her first child. She absolutely adores Oblongata. O was Erin’s mother’s doula when she was

iansmitty November 12, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

November 11 – Leonardo DiCaprio gets a jungle intruder

November 11 – Leonardo DiCaprio gets a jungle intruder

The beach sends me away with enmity, so I head inland. But the jungle, it’s not mine. I defensively contend I’m a visitor when I feel like an intruder. The disruption of my invasion is not overlooked by those I

iansmitty November 11, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

November 10 – Michael Jai White gets more animal facts than he can handle

November 10 – Michael Jai White gets more animal facts than he can handle

The big bad anaconda is more than a malt liquor or an Eric Stoltz picture. It is also the largest and heaviest known snake. And if you think that’s the end of my animal facts, oh boy, ya gotta ’nudder

iansmitty November 10, 2018December 31, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

November 9 – Lou Ferrigno gets passed the pasta past its shape

November 9 – Lou Ferrigno gets passed the pasta past its shape

I love all kinds of pasta, even though they’re basically the same as each other, only with different configurations. As you know, my Italian descendant, the shape makes all the difference. The totally tubular and the stuffed and the strand

iansmitty November 9, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

November 8 – Gordon Ramsay gets a few winnipeg cheesecakes

November 8 – Gordon Ramsay gets a few winnipeg cheesecakes

I already know what you’d like to say here – “A Winnipeg cheesecake is a sweet dessert, prepared in Manitoba, often consisting of many layers, including the main one being a mixture of soft, fresh ricotta, eggs, vanilla and sugar,

iansmitty November 8, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

November 7 – Chris Mortensen gets a tumour’s origin story

November 7 – Chris Mortensen gets a tumour’s origin story

Hey, I found out I had the cancer in 2016 too! You definitely got way more media coverage than me, though. And to be fair, yours was probably scarier, even though mine might generated slightly more despair at a quick

iansmitty November 7, 2018December 31, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

November 6 – Thandie Newton gets a handy guide

November 6 – Thandie Newton gets a handy guide

Take my hand. Please! I know some people can say practically anything with theirs, without ever using those noisy face holes, but even the rest of us use them to relay a whole whack of information. The hands and the

iansmitty November 6, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

November 5 – Bryan Adams gets Vancouverified

November 5 – Bryan Adams gets Vancouverified

Vancouver, as you know, is something else. It’s a computer simulation of a city, even excluding the inescapable hazy green downtown windows. The rich are too rich, the poor too poor, and nobody has the anything to consider anyone else.

iansmitty November 5, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

November 4 – Matthew McConaughey gets screwed into stripping

November 4 – Matthew McConaughey gets screwed into stripping

Harry and Paula are on the couch in the living room of their apartment, watching a digitally-recorded regularly scheduled episode of Jeopardy. Alex: “In skiing, this basic method of turning or stopping is also called the wedge.” Harry: “Pizza!” Paula

iansmitty November 4, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more
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