Harry and Paula are on the couch in the living room of their apartment, watching a digitally-recorded regularly scheduled episode of Jeopardy.

Alex: “In skiing, this basic method of turning or stopping is also called the wedge.”

Harry: “Pizza!”

Paula turns her head slowly, carrying a weirded-out look.

Jon: “What is ‘pizza’?”

Alex (giving Jon his own weirded-out look): “Sorry, that’s incorrect.”

Paula stares at Harry incredulously. Harry laughs.

Greg: “What is snow plow?”

Alex: “That’s right.”

From upstairs, the music’s volume gets turned up and people dancing and enjoying themselves can be heard through the ceiling. Paula picks up the channel selector and pauses the show.

Paula: “Honey, this has been going on for way too long. Can you please go tell them to keep it down?”

Harry sighs. “You should know by now they won’t listen to me. You’re the one who’s always saying I have no value as an authority figure.”

Paula: “Well, what if you really scare them?”

Harry: “Haha, what should I do, pull a gun on them?”

Paula: “Kind of. What about your uniform, the one you wore last Hallowe’en. Put it on before you go up. You won’t need to say your a cop. It’s the implication.”

Harry: “That thing? Actually, I mean – it looks real enough.”

Paula: “Thank you!”

CUT TO: Harry finishes putting on his police officer uniform in the mirror. He strides confidently out the apartment door.

Paula: “And leave it on when you come back.” She giggles and turns back to the television.

CUT TO: Harry takes a deep breath and knocks on the neighbour’s door. A man in an actual police uniform answers with a drink in his hand as the party, full of uniformed cops, goes on behind him. Harry stares straight ahead, trying not to seem scared, immediately fearful of getting caught impersonating a police officer.

Officer Oren: “Can I help you?”

Harry: “Uh, never mind.”

Oren: “What do you mean ‘never mind’? Who the hell are you?”

Officer Oren yells to one of his friends and colleagues. “Hey Jason, come here for a second.”

Officer Jason, who clearly lives in the apartment, comes over to the door and starts laughing at Harry. “And what the hell are you?”

Harry: “Uh, you know who I am.”

Jason gets a bit mad. “You know, I really don’t.” Jason stares at him, starting to realize what happened. “Actually, you must be the stripper I hired.”

Harry does not want to be found out and prepares himself for some sort of chicken game with his neighbour.

Jason calls back to the party. “Hey guys, the stripper’s here!”

The party cheers and looks towards the door. Harry pauses for a few seconds, then opens the door all the way and yells into the room with the party as he strides past Jason and Oren.

Jason: “Hit it, boys!”

The boys hit it, and The Boys are Back in Town booms from the speakers. Harry begins strutting around, still nervous but eventually with some confidence. His routine is really taking over the party as he continues his stripperish dancing moves. He begins touching everyone in the room rather flirtatiously. They’re all fairly drunk and they cheer for him.

CUT TO: Paula is on the couch downstairs, listening to the jocundity and increased volume. Looking upwards, she shakes her head and appears confused but not too concerned.

CUT TO: Harry is stripping and starts taking off his cosplay uniform.

Harry (awkwardly): “Wooooo! Oh yeah, I’ll arrest every one of you. For indecent exposure!”

Continued cheers and enthusiasm abound. Continued dancing also abound.

CUT TO Harry, having completed his dances and strips, is at the door, readying to leave Jason’s apartment. The party attendees are tipping and congratulating him, thanking him for a great show. He couldn’t be happier.

CUT TO Harry tiptoeing into his bedroom.

Paula (half asleep): “What took you so long?”

Harry (climbing into bed): “Life, my dear. Life. And liberty. And service. And protection. And life again.”

[Editor’s note: This is not his only scene involving stripper cops…]

November 4 – Matthew McConaughey gets screwed into stripping
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