I already know what you’d like to say here – “A Winnipeg cheesecake is a sweet dessert, prepared in Manitoba, often consisting of many layers, including the main one being a mixture of soft, fresh ricotta, eggs, vanilla and sugar, and then a base made of…” You’ll keep going, babbling about ingredients and textures and whatnot, while we’ll all be over here bored as anything, and no one will have the heart to tell you’re actually wrong. In fact, a winnipeg cheesecake can be one of many, many things, and none of them are related to food or prairie provinces. In fact, the term is readying to overtake ‘water closet’ as the world’s foremost initialism for WC. Here’s a taste of what it can be.

winnipeg cheesecake (noun) [win-uh-peg cheez-keyk]: the technique of not introducing two people to each other on the basis that you don’t think they will like each other.

winnipeg cheesecake (noun): a minestrone milestone

winnipeg cheesecake (noun): a fly’s inevitable realization that repeatedly circling the centre of the room is futile

winnipeg cheesecake (noun): the difference between a tick and a tock

winnipeg cheesecaker (noun): when a heave ho is not enough strength to get rid of her

winnipeg cheesecake (noun): dog turd with a tulip neatly rested upon it with an obvious purpose but an unclear execution

winnipeg cheesecake (noun): an added financial cost of living due to being awkward

winnipeg cheesecake (noun): post-coital paranoia

winnipeg cheesecakedly (adverb): denoting a rather intense form of senselessness

winnipeg cheesecaking (verb): secretly photographing scantily clothed attractive humans, often on a beach

winnipego cheesecako (noun; archaic): back-to-back tobacco smoke chain

winnipeg cheesecake (noun): the phenomenon of pretending you like something more than you do just based on its general consensus of dislike

winnipeg cheesecake (noun): song sung in the key of Ukraine

winnipeg cheesecaking (verb): turning around in an elevator with the goal of surreality

Oh yeah, and if you made it this far, wasting precious minutes with learning invented definitions, then you’ve been… WINNIPEG CHEESECAKEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

November 8 – Gordon Ramsay gets a few winnipeg cheesecakes
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