Hate is a strong word used to describe strong feelings towards things one does not like or is against or is a sports team that in based in a different city than one’s own. While it is often overused, in reference to such situations as the driver in front of you not noticing the light turning green until several seconds have passed and objects like an acutely slow mobile phone, it should really be reserved for the most extremes of negativity in a subjective experience. Celebrities, due simply to the numbers game of being recognizable to so many people, will unknowingly and knowingly have hate directed towards them, even when the perpetrator does not in fact truly hate them but simply cannot quickly bring to mind another more subtle emotion to express a more realistic toned-down version of the sentiment. So it is unfair to hate Justin Bieber or Ralph Maggio or even Kim Jong-Un, when to us all, all they can really do is represent something we claim to hate. In reality we are not informed enough to provide such an opinion, but our hatred for these ideas is reinforced by others who will validate our assertions, and this only serves to exacerbate the issue. When you hate, there is no scenario in which you will not hate. You have shown myself and many around the world that hate is not only unnecessary and counterintuitive, but also goes against everything we should be standing for, no matter what.
Having said that, I hate hate hate hate Chris Hardwick. Oddly enough this is in no way related to the fact that he is a stand-up comedian, actor, voice actor, screenwriter, musician, and podcaster, all roles that I aspire to or to have. I honestly could not be less jealous of this egotistical little twit. He is a hard worker, I have no doubt, and unfortunately, hard work and persistence are positively correlated with success.
I do not understand how his podcast continues to attract interesting and intelligent and funny and thoughtful guests when the interviewer they’re forced to converse with is nothing more than a relentless kiss-ass asshole. He talks about Singled Out like it was as timeless as Seinfeld and had the cultural impact of Friends. The One Where Chris Hardwick Dies in a Fire – I’d stop flicking through the channels if that rerun was on. I imagine ripping his lips off that undeserved perpetual grin and in turn seeing his eyes disintegrate and his nose fly away, since lips probably hold together a face.
If he dies, I’ll have to pretend that I didn’t hate him if somebody brings him up in conversation because why would I show such contempt for a dead man I haven’t even met. So in actuality I hate him so much that I don’t even want him to die. I was actually upset when he got in a car accident that time because I had to pretend I felt bad for him. Well being dead wouldn’t make him any less insufferable or hateable.
[Editor’s note: This was written before it was publicly known that Hardwick was a real id1ot piece of shit. The author did not even know this privately, which is why he felt he was treating the guy unfairly with his hate and therefore hid the sentiment from others. However, he did have a really good feeling he was right about him all along. He likes to think he could see through his faux-sincerity right down to his frothy, filthy soul. It’s like how we all thought Jian Ghomeshi handled Billy Bob Thornton’s strange outburst really well, when in fact Billy Bob either knew or could sense Jian’s sickening nature well enough to tell him where to go.]