Neurokahunanarcissism is a psychological condition which refers to the desire of an actor for their character to succeed, and when such success is attained, it often leads to the human person inheriting the managerial traits of their fictional counterpart. Several years ago, I briefly considered the idea that you may not have realized that the Andy Bernard’s promotion to head honcho did not also constitute a promotion for you as an NBC employee. You may have showed up to Chandler Valley Center Studios on a Monday and started bossing people around, yelling at everyone within earshot, truly believing that you were now the show’s head writer, director, producer, showrunner, and best boy. You “fired” Paul Lieberstein for insubordination, as he was wearing his power bowtie that day, and he was so shocked by the confidence in your action that he went home and drank scotch until the night fell. Paul, too, was unaware that you did not have the authority to do the aforementioned firing. This was caused by his state of acute hierarchical dysmorphia, another disorder that certainly exists. Upon hearing of what is now known among Hollywood insiders as the “The Office Situation”, a time traveling Bruce Evans declared that as the relevant executive vice president, everyone involved would have to be let go. The network would give up on the whole television fad and try its hand at selling prank gifts for various holidays. And the entire division would be managed by none other than Thomas Hanks!

January 24 – Ed Helms is a neurokahunanarcissist
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