When did you add “the Chef” to your name? You think any actual chefs do that? I don’t know any other Raekwons. We used to call this guy Ronnie in my class “Weak Ron” which is almost like your name but a little jumbled around. He got the name ’cause he couldn’t climb a rope one time. And then he didn’t know his own president’s name! Did you know that over half of all Americans are unable to name a world leader that isn’t their own. They’re unaware that Sweden’s Bjorn Svenson won the last election with over 60% of the popular vote. That Jacques Levier is France’s first openly gay prime minister. Or that Meow Zedong was a key factor in China finally denouncing Communityism. That Iran would have certainly dissolved into three separate nations if not for the diplomatic prowess of Emperor Hussein Ahmadinejad. That Bangladesh’s Tarek Gamizir signed into law that sweat shops will now be knows as perspiration centres. They don’t know that Strasbourg Schutzstaffel recently fired his entire cabinet for failing to give him a standing ovation as he re-entered his German parliament after an extended bathroom break. That New Zealand’s own Bret Wellington is the last remaining dodo. Or that Boogu Boogu from the Central African Republic also fails to exist. Their ignorance is palpable.
January 12 – Raekwon gets world leader factoids