In this world of polarized views and unpolarized sunglasses and melting polarized bears, meaningful sayings are all I have to get me through the days, one day at a time.
For tomorrow is another day that has always been and will never be anything other than itself.
Besides, what’s done is done and what’s well is well and if you eat your steak well done, you’re missing out on that sweet blood.
Be careful what you read for, you pancake-gobbling hick.
Because everything happens for a raisin, mostly shriveling up and regretting its wasted potential as a drop of someone’s toast at a regal wedding.
Don’t forget to live each moment like it’s your last time you’ll ever live that moment because it is you dummy.
Good things come to those who weigh ten pounds more than the camera shows, for they are the true stars among us.
You can’t book a judge until they’re covered by insurance because those robes are dangerous, sir.
Anyway, what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger than a mongoose that hangs out at that beach with all those bodybuilders down in the Califor-ni-a, unless the thing that didn’t kill you has had a dentrimental effect on your overall tooth health and happiness.
The more things change, the more things change, so bip bop bippity.
And fortunately, nice guys finish lists.

April 23 – John Oliver gets a platitude adjustment
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