I don’t know how you feel about sports, but no matter where you are on that spectrum, you have to admit that the broadcasters and commentators and players and coaches and all related personnel talk about the same stuff over and over and over, and it’s high time for a real change. The play-by-play world hasn’t really evolved in the last 50 years. Listening to it is supposed to be entertaining, and we need to hear more than the, “Next half they’ll have to work a bit harder, dig a little deeper, give a full 110% if they want to win,” and the repetitive readings of stats and monotonous player details. And they never take a few minutes to just watch the damn game in silence, which is often what the situation calls for. There was an announcers strike in the CFL a few years ago and the television ratings were the highest they’ve every been, so I’m clearly not the only one sick of the status quo. This is why I’m developing a website where anyone can do the colour and colourless commentating, and you get to choose which audio channel to listen to. Comedians, fans, scientists, even fashion critics for christ sake, let’s see who can do this. We live in a world of excessive choice, so we might as well include this facet of sports in that as well.
The reason I’m telling you specifically about this is because one of the first channel ideas I decided would be worth listening to is one run by both of your parents, doing play-by-play on a sport they don’t really understand. I’d rather listen to that than Bob Costas or whoevadafuk. Norm Macdonald watches a lot of golf. Why not give him a mic and let us listen to what he thinks about the round. It’s gotta be more entertaining than Jim Nantz talk about the last time someone birdied this par 3 when the wind was blowing just so. You’ll even be able to turn on multiple channels at the same time, in this choose-your-own-announcer system. And you know there’ll end up being viral campaigns to get Denzel calling Bulls games and the like.
There are a number of possible revenue streams floating around, and it’ll be easy enough to allocate to the high-volume channels a decent share of the sweet cash. So anyway, once it gets off the ground, tell your parents to be ready, because I have a feeling they’ll end up being the most-watched announcers this side of the ocean. You can be a guest, but not too often because of overshadows.