Fame changes people’s lives, for the worse. We have all heard similar lines throughout our lives, and we accept them as truths, but we also assume our respective friends are immune to such superficiality. I want success, and I want
May 12 – Rami Malek gets a robotic understudy
I’m the other kind of robot. Not the dutiful cog in the elaborated system, whose rigid movements are dictated by the unrepentant desire to acquire currency, to purchase assets, to attract a mate. With a better car than the neighbours,
April 30 – Gal Gadot gets an indirect plea to invite me into her creed
I was raised culturally Catholic, but my appearance in recent years has led strangers to assume I’m Jewish. A Palestinian with a mental illness once challenged me to a fight because of it when he got in my face about
April 26 – Jemima Kirke gets a scientific discovery
This whole life thing becomes increasingly mind-blowing the more you think about it. I am fully shocked that we’re not all freaking out all of the time, purely based on the incredibility of the world. Let’s begin with the overall
April 24 – Barbra Streisand gets a rider’s guest list
You take it for granted, as you would after getting so many, but me and my ilk, the non-performers – we yearn to make our own guest list and see it come to fruition. I want people I know to
April 23 – John Oliver gets a platitude adjustment
In this world of polarized views and unpolarized sunglasses and melting polarized bears, meaningful sayings are all I have to get me through the days, one day at a time. For tomorrow is another day that has always been and
April 21 – Tony Danza gets objectionable mondegreens
You must be so sick of the Tiny Dancer people telling you they confuse the line with your name. And rightfully so. But these misheard lines, they’re not all about getting you to hold people closer – they’re about everything,
April 16 – Chance the Rapper gets the true intentions of a lottery hopeful
Obviously most people would like to win the lottery. Even as it’s entirely left up to chance, and the most minuscule at that, they know they can win. They dream of it. It gives them an escape, if only in
April 13 – Glenn Howerton gets an infallible system for impressing the other party guests
I know a lot of people struggle with their performance while attending large events where they don’t know anyone, like a girlfriend’s office party, where everyone is only trying to be the most normal. Well if that’s what they’re going
April 11 – Joss Stone gets a list of names that need to be brought back into the fold
Joscelyn is a wonderful, weighty given name. But a lot of really strong names are no longer given to children, if they ever were. Where’s Genghis? We’re all descended from one. A few mothers should pay him some respect. Wolfgang