The window grew smaller with each day, but still Dylan preferred his seat on the top of the couch, legs dangling over the edge, face facing the outside. He watched the other turtles play, and even though he told his
October 16 – Flea gets animal collective nouns
I wake up in my sleeping pod to the sun’s rays scurrying in through the window. My leg dangles over the side of the bed until the rest of my body is ready to take on the day. Not a
October 13 – Sacha Baron Cohen gets advice from a man in a suit in a kiosk on a street
I punch in my redundant PIN number and request twenty smackeroos, which I’m handed stiffly by the supposed clerk on the other side of the envelope-sized slot. Hurrying back to the suited kiosked man, I trip and stumble over a
October 12 – Hugh Jackman gets a man in a suit in a kiosk on a street
Strolling down Water Street, I pass a homemade kiosk containing a well-dressed proprietor and an attached sign declaring, in bright green letters, that the man inside will provide surreal yet sound financial advice for a single dollar. Before today I
October 9 – Bella Hadid gets a country that turns out to just be a guy’s house
Pierre Gaudin was surprised to learn that his 2800 square foot property, which includes a two-car driveway and a shed that houses his skis and other seasonal equipment, had been declared an independent nationality over 31 years ago, after an
October 8 – Patrick Watson gets a birthday boyla
Birthdays bring with them intrinsically opposing outfits. The conical cardboard hat is popular, no doubt, but it’s nothing compared to the nothingness of nudity with a grin. Unfortunately, neither of those have I ever been comfortable wearing. Happy Birthday to
October 6 – Amy Jo Johnson gets a drowning in a swimming pool and sum consequential possibilities
It doesn’t manifest itself when I jump in the ocean, or a lake, or a river. It may actually be the artificiality of the swimming pool that conjures the experience. The precise dimensions my subconscious is subjected to give off
October 5 – Neil deGrasse Tyson gets a snail’s demise and one of my own
Stepping inadvertently but directly onto the snail, I hear the crunch of her home under my feet. My view briefly becomes hers, as her consciousness defects from her shell and enters mine for the split moment on its path to
October 4 – Liev Schreiber gets cautioned by a porscheman
As a man with a Porsche, I have a duty to those without. I represent for you the possibility of possibilities, and so I must maintain the appearance of happiness and importance, of someone you wish you were. It can
October 1 – Brie Larson gets a delayed wedding gift for Avi’s parents
A long, not that long time ago, a young boy and dainty girl bumped into each other and liked each others smiles because they had the two best smiles in the world. They held hands and talked about stuff then