Pierre Gaudin was surprised to learn that his 2800 square foot property, which includes a two-car driveway and a shed that houses his skis and other seasonal equipment, had been declared an independent nationality over 31 years ago, after an administrative error in France’s parliament ceded control of the southern region.

Gaudin gained complete power over Andorra when his parents, bless their hearts and rest their souls, died. How they died, I will not say, for it adds nothing to the story and it’s quite disgusting. I won’t even type the words it’s so horrendous. Actually, there is no single word in any language that I’ve heard which could possibly accurately describe the nature of an incident in which both parties cut each other’s heads clean off. I’ve said too much. I haven’t said enough.

Prior to this week there was no official record of anybody ever visiting Andorra, but it continued to appear on maps and trivia questions since both France and Spain assumed the other had taken control of the area in the Franco-Spanish War of 1733. Since its natural resources are scarce, Andorra relies heavily on imports from Carrefour and an independent coffee shop that employs this cute barista Gaudin hopes to one day seduce.

When informed that the country’s capital, Andorra la Vella, was actually his bedroom, Gaudin responded, “Sacre bleu! But of course!” avec a French accent.

Andorra’s GDP has surpassed that of both Ethiopia and Sierra Leone this year, but its leader’s reduced hours at the accounting firm in which he is a junior associate may see an increase in the country’s poverty rate.

Pierre is expected to ask French president Emmanuel Macron for a refund on his taxes for the last three decades. If his demands are not met he has made plans to invade the bungalow of neighbour and incessant tool-borrower Jean Marchand.

[Editor’s note: The “journalist” covering this story must have forgotten about the time he saw the Family Guy episode “Petoria”. At the time of writing, he sincerely believed that he was expressing an original thought for once. No b’y.]

October 9 – Bella Hadid gets a country that turns out to just be a guy’s house
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