I am 2. I am alone in our backyard, only momentarily, as my father runs up the driveway to explain to a pair of tired adolescents that we do not need our lawn mowed. I pick up a handful of
August 2 – Charli XCX gets a toddler’s secure playground
August 1 – Coolio gets a baby’s first memory
I am 1. I am lying on my back on a bed in my basement, staring at the stucco ceiling. A diaper is being changed. I have to assume it is my own. My sister, who has been alive slightly
July 31 – J.K. Rowling gets the subsequent words my phone predicts I will want to say after wishing her a happy day
Happy birthday J. K. Rowling! I don’t think I get any money from them. When you moving? What time is your grandmother and the mountains quite a bit more. You can do this week and I’m flat out laughing at
July 30 – Arnold Schwarzenegger gets a muggy inventory
On an average day in the life of me, I will prepare and drink an orange pekoe tea in the morning, a cappuccino when I come home for lunch, and then a varying caffeine-free tea before bed. Depending on my
July 29 – Ken Burns gets the final Darwin Award winner
Ralph Darwin grew up with no purpose. He’d always wanted ambition but never knew how to find it. He looked under an old chair in the garage but even he knew that wouldn’t be the source of his justification of
July 28 – Lori Loughlin gets the negative side of laughter
Laughter is superior to any alternative. For the most part. Obviously, there are certain laughs that lean heavily toward the spectra of placation, discomfort or insanity, and these need to be eliminated the once. The polite laugh only serves as
July 27 – Nikolaj Coster-Waldau gets a closeted battleground
I’m against war¹, but ho-lee, do I like war games. Now not those gunny console cartridges, or the paint firearms shooting paint bullets, or the training exercises that the big men do to show how big they are when there’s
July 26 – Mick Jagger gets wishful entropy
I know life is pretty foolish as it is, with there being so many crazy people and stupid people and houses shaped like shoes bridges full of locks with no keys. But it would still be better if this universe
July 25 – Matt LeBlanc gets da b’y who cr’yed
Stacy and her boyfriend James enter through the side door into the kitchen, where her younger brother Silas is eating a bowl of banana oatmeal and reading a defunct magazine. The couple is finishing up a meaningless conversation, with James
July 24 – Jennifer Lopez gets an apology from an old half pal
I was born in 1988, in the same news cycle that band-aids ended up lower case. As I came into the world, Jimmy Cagney left it, the little dustmite, and my mother still tells me I’m his reincarnation. My parents