I know you’re all about free speech, with your filthy magazine concoction a necessary evil to ensure the defense and promotion of the first liberty that they noticed they forgot to include when they declared independence and freely told the old world wig wearers where to stick it. And don’t get me wrong, I’m all about the freeze peach too. But even so, can all those clowns stop it already with all their complaining?

It seems like the average one of us is on a perpetual subconscious hunt for rage, and the best among us still searching for irritation. Have you ever been in a line up, any line up? At least half the people queued up act like they’ve never gone through the waiting process before. They can’t possibly conceive that they would still be in this line after all this time, and by george they’ll tell you about it. And where are they in such a rush to get off to, anyway? They should know by now that nothing is important, especially their lives.

These people, they used to complain about the seeds in grapes, so they made science get rid of them. And now they complain about the little twig attached to the grape butts! Take a break from complaining already. Have a drink or a laugh or whatnot.

Most people complain about the weather because there’s always something to grumble about there. Too hot. Too cold. Too rainy. Sure it’s nice now, but wait until tomorrow – ooh boy, she’s gonna be too hot again then.

Then the few people who are wise to the over-whining of quotidian nature, they can’t get enough of complaining about the people who complain about the weather. But don’t these complaint complainers realize that the weather complainers obviously enjoy doing it, and any amusement we can get from this harsh, weatherful world should be held onto tightly, like a black mamba yearning to release its venom into ya neck. Actually, maybe they get their jollies off of complaining about people complaining about the weather.

And – wait – am I – is complaining about complaining still complaining?

Oh no.

November 1 – Larry Flynt gets a figment at the complaint department
Tagged on:             

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *