You make the movies, right? In case you’re ever looking for the next big hit, which you are, I have it.

So this skeety couple, probably addicts, break into a house, looking for cash or walkmans or whatever else to sell on the street. A bike, maybe? Anyway, they try being real quiet and sneaky, a good idea if you don’t want to get caught, but it turns out the quiet and sneak is unnecessary, because the only person in the house is the old dead guy sitting in a chair. They examine the situation and quickly determine he’s a recluse and no one cares about him, but they find this movie that he made over the last who knows how many years – it consumed him and might have even killed him, but it was worth because it’s a friggin’ masterpiece. Just so it’s clear, the film in the film is called Maiden, and the working title of the actual project we’ll be working on together is called Maiden Film.

This couple the whole thing while he’s just sitting there dead, but he doesn’t mind, and they’re all wide-eyed and amazed the whole time, as you would be too if you saw how good this movie was. Think Tribute by Tenacious D but then transplant it to this medium and this will help you in your big pitch meeting.

They looks up how to fudge with the credits on Final Cut or something, and they pitch and release this Maiden as their own first picture, to overwhelming critical and audience acclaim. They get all famous and sought-after and go to red carpets and gold carpets and whatever other carpets people stand on before awards shows where the photogs can’t get enough of photogring the people, all the while using their new found influence to get advances for future films to pay for their habits.
Some rampant Maiden fan, a real film buff who aspires to be a director herself, initially she idolizes the film’s creators, believing they’re the next great hope to usher film into whatever century we’re in [Editor’s Note: The film is set in the present.], this fan discovers they’re not the real heroes here, but she’s so invested at this point that she’s willing to cover it up by helping them make their sophomore feature as the ghost director – think Kurt Russell for Tombstone. There are three alternative triametrically opposed endings to Maiden Film, but I’ll wait for you sign on to direct or sign an NDA before giving those up so that you don’t run off with my idea and the future sweet cash, à la couple in this very movie.

[Author’s note: It’s possible that Maiden will come out as a teaser for Maiden Film, but for that to work we better make a darn good short for it. This isn’t necessary but will help get back some of that big budget we’re gonna need.]

[Author’s note II: If the production company or studio isn’t totally on board – and I can’t see how they wouldn’t be but a plan without a plan B is no plan at all – there’s an alternate version where the protagonist finds a rich old lonely familyless woman, still alive, and gives his life to her, at least until the end of hers, and makes her pay for this movie he wants to make. Think Anna Nicole Smith if her ambitions exceeded anything other than having foolish wealth.]

May 30 – Duncan Jones gets a Maiden Film
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