You’re obviously best known for playing a furry friend, a faithful companion whose cuteness keeps him from ever getting into any real trouble. Well so is Toast. If you don’t know Toast, well he’s just fantastic. Whoever said that Muhammad Ali was the Greatest Of All Time, or that Bret the Hit Man”Hart was The Best There Is, The Best There Was, The Best There Ever Will Be, they definitely never met Toast.
A lot of times I like to remind Toast that he’s my best friend, sometimes subtly like “Isn’t it great that even though we’re best friends we still have different favourite foods?” and other times more directly with a spontaneous, “You’re my best friend!” because I don’t want to come home some time and find out he has another new best friend and he’s just like, “Oh, I didn’t know we had that kind of relationship. If I knew it would have made you sad, I wouldn’t have went and got myself a different best friend.” I’d feel a little bad and be like, “Well I don’t want to prevent you from getting a new best friend if you want one [even though I would want to prevent this, but clinginess is NOT next to godliness]. I was just kind of hoping that you were satisfied enough with our setup that you wouldn’t go looking. But by all means.” But by the way I’d say “by all means”, he’d get the hint that I didn’t really want him getting this new best friend anyway. So out of respect for me, the one who feeds and houses him, he’s go to his new best friend and tell him he’ll have to be his former best friend and new close acquaintance only. And we’d go back to being real best friends again, the way it should be, forever and eva.
So in honor of our rekindled best friendship, please raise your glass, for the toaster child, where fluff ends and toast begins, ice creamy toast (hold the sprinkles, extra croutons) – a toast to Toast, and all of his aliases, like Theodore Toast, Toastman, Toastman Pat, Toastmaster, Toastmaster General, Squirrel, Baby Squirrel, Bambi, Bambino, Childish Bambino, Toastface Killah, Truffle Pig, Toasteroo, Snooze Balloon, Snoozy Button, Button Nose, Funny Butt, Fluffy Butt, Baby sports, Toastbuster, Butterpup, Pup Tart, Toastoa, Brave Little Toaster (for not getting scared when fireworks go off), Fox, McButters, Sweet Pea, Sweet Potato, Peanut, Muffin Chops, Little Peach, Paws, Diggler, Walker Texas Toast, Pupstar: Never Stop Always Toasting. There’s more, but some pet names are private, you know. For his funny little ears only. You understand. I know you do. Toastally.
[Editor’s note: Apparently those strokish words in the title are “Happy Birthday” in the Wookie language (taken from the Wookie Translator), but I can’t be any more skeptical of the algorithm behind the tool.]