I recently started working for a company that gives a couple of weeks parental leave when you get a new dog. Now don’t tell my boss, but I started adopting all these elderly pooches in a vacation-extending scheme, and so far it’s been going okay. But honestly, it wasn’t enough. Now I live in Canada, where the law states that between you and your partner, you get a total of twelve months off work for having a kid, like one of those human babies. I looked it up with brief consultation from a barrister, and this even counts for adoption. Which brings me to my first of several reasons I’m adopting a terminally ill baby:

1. Parental leave: (see above)

2. You won’t have to deal with owning a human anymore when it starts getting annoying after developing its own personality, which seems to happen around the age of 2, according to jokester mothers.

3. No PTA meetings. Ugh, don’t get me started.

4. Other people are less likely to complain about their stupid problems about traffic or Wanda at work when you have a child who’s going to die any second now.

5. The cutest little coffins!

February 7 – Chris Rock gets a crafty way to get time off work
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