I know you really don’t want this put on you, and it might not be fair to pressure you like this – but you must acknowledge that the Cosby bit that you did and got recorded and uploaded by a fan, it led to more women coming forward and Cosby actually getting exposed as the hearty piece of shit that he is. That should make you realize that with your influence and comedy, you can legitimately help the world by saying things that people pretty much already know, but haven’t heard anyone joke about it yet, and so it doesn’t stick in their minds. You can become the social justice warrior* comic. I know this would be boring and shitty for you, but it could help.

You could do a whole special where you riff on people who have done shitty things but we forget about. Remember R Kelly? We were so busy laughing about him peeing on girls that we forgot the girl he peed on was 14. And another important factor in us basically forgiving him is that he had a song that’s impossible not to dance to. I’m convinced that if nobody ever remixed Ignition, R Kelly would be in jail right now. What else? Woody Allen probably. Christopher Brown. I’m sure there are other injustices, but I’m too lazy to look them up, even with my aforementioned proximity to the interwebs.

On a similar note, did you know that in 1992 Soul Asylum made a video for Runaway Train showing actual missing children, and it was so popular that it led to the safe return of 26 out of the 36 kids shown. They should have been forced to keep making videos with missing children until every friggin’ lostkid in the world is found. But instead, this is their next video. Give me a break, Soul Asylum.

*Author’s note: That term, social justice warrior, that came out of nowhere, hey? Often acronymized as SJW, I’ll admit that every. single. time. I read those consecutive letters (besides this time ‘cause I’m next to the internet), I’m unable to remember what it stands for. Then I’m unable to figure it out based on context, and it always ends in defeat with me going, “Ah, I gotta look that up.” My memory is gone, and so it goes.

February 4 – Hannibal Buress gets a plea for a pivot in his performing career
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