The churches have been recruiting for long enough now they should know their current methods are not really the most effective.

Jehovah’s Witnesses, they come to your house and everyone else’s house trying to convert you and everyone else to their group.

The Catholics, they’re always running around asking, “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and saviour yet?” Now that’s a leading question if I ever heard one, certainly failing the underused test of journalistic integrity. If you say yes, in the hopes it will make them they stop whatever pitch they were about to make, they’ll want to talk about that, how you’re both such big god lovers. And since it’s a lie to begin with you’ll have to this to deal with and you’ll end up misquoting Bible passages and concealing unknown allusions. But if you say no, which is more accurate, they take that as an invitation for a cup of tea so they can tell you all about this God, like you didn’t know being religious was even a possibility until right now.

Jews don’t want you to join them. They’re happy with the crew they have and they think the rest of us are all better off not getting into heaven.

At a funeral for one of my secular friends a few years ago, the priest lady was basically using the occasion as an excuse to preach to us all about whatever denomination she belonged to. She pretended he got all religious in his final days, which he definitely never, and he wasn’t around to defend himself, so we had no choice but to believe her, ‘cause why would a priestess lie about that in the house of that which she worships.

Buddhists are alright. I’m fully down with the Buddha. I might even be one. Loves robes. Loves silence.

So there’s religionists, atheists, agnostics. But what do you call the people who just don’t give a hoot either way?

February 24 – Edward James Olmos gets a religious rumination
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