This isn’t going to be a long speech. But I guess I never really needed to say that. Because you would’ve figured it out at some point, probably the end, and either way you were probably going to listen, or
December 12 – Mayim Bialik gets a marquetter’s fortpolio
I work in marketing, and no matter what Bill Hicks says, I’ll probably go on living anyway. I first got turned on to the advertising field as a five-and-a-half-year-old and saw three mind-blowing commercials back-to-back-to-back. It turns out most marketing
December 11 – Rita Moreno gets an antique appraisal
Antiques Roadshow is one of the great treasures of the television. Its quaint style and charming stories harken back to a simpler time, when a regular person didn’t have to resort to faking an injury after intentionally getting hit by
December 10 – Emmanuelle Chriqui gets an innocent bystander
Our main character Allan is essentially a passive bystander in his own life. He never speaks and barely communicates. Each episode he finds himself in a wildly different situation, with a whole new set of characters. There’s never any reference
December 9 – Felicity Huffman gets a convenient score
We prioritize convenience over everything, and comfort is pursued above all else. Even when we know the convenient option is the lazy one, and the comfortable is boring. Privacy – Readily accepting terms and conditions that give permission to companies
December 8 – Nicki Minaj gets a pre-cancerous consideration
[Editor’s preambling note: All of this was written a couple of years before the author actually developed cancer, and I think before his mom did, so please don’t treat it as a plea for pity, or an accurate reflection of
December 7 – Dan Bilzerian gets a gamboling gambler
I used to play online poker for a living. If I was asked about it during a job interview today, I would say that those five years were instrumental in developing my abilities in financial management, game theory, risk assessment
December 6 – Judd Apatow gets a slow show
You have to deal with people who don’t know what they’re talking about talk about how your films should be shorter. These suits and wannabe suits look at data and point at graphs and say that some arbitrary number is
December 5 – Ronnie O’Sullivan gets the games of life
Life is just a series of games, no matter who you are. Some are challenges thrust on you by the world, while others are goals of your own making, for your own amusement. Either way, it’s what keeps it all
December 4 – Jeff Bridges gets ambitious videos to be made in my honour
I’d like to make a film called Will in which I die in the opening scene, but in some funny, lighthearted, Darwin Awardy way so that nobody gets too broke up about it. In my final dispensation, I bestow to