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2018

December 13 – Jamie Foxx gets a commencement exercise

December 13 – Jamie Foxx gets a commencement exercise

This isn’t going to be a long speech. But I guess I never really needed to say that. Because you would’ve figured it out at some point, probably the end, and either way you were probably going to listen, or

iansmitty December 13, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

December 12 – Mayim Bialik gets a marquetter’s fortpolio

December 12 – Mayim Bialik gets a marquetter’s fortpolio

I work in marketing, and no matter what Bill Hicks says, I’ll probably go on living anyway. I first got turned on to the advertising field as a five-and-a-half-year-old and saw three mind-blowing commercials back-to-back-to-back. It turns out most marketing

iansmitty December 12, 2018February 29, 2020 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

December 11 – Rita Moreno gets an antique appraisal

December 11 – Rita Moreno gets an antique appraisal

Antiques Roadshow is one of the great treasures of the television. Its quaint style and charming stories harken back to a simpler time, when a regular person didn’t have to resort to faking an injury after intentionally getting hit by

iansmitty December 11, 2018February 4, 2019 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

December 10 – Emmanuelle Chriqui gets an innocent bystander

December 10 – Emmanuelle Chriqui gets an innocent bystander

Our main character Allan is essentially a passive bystander in his own life. He never speaks and barely communicates. Each episode he finds himself in a wildly different situation, with a whole new set of characters. There’s never any reference

iansmitty December 10, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

December 9 – Felicity Huffman gets a convenient score

December 9 – Felicity Huffman gets a convenient score

We prioritize convenience over everything, and comfort is pursued above all else. Even when we know the convenient option is the lazy one, and the comfortable is boring. Privacy – Readily accepting terms and conditions that give permission to companies

iansmitty December 9, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

December 8 – Nicki Minaj gets a pre-cancerous consideration

December 8 – Nicki Minaj gets a pre-cancerous consideration

[Editor’s preambling note: All of this was written a couple of years before the author actually developed cancer, and I think before his mom did, so please don’t treat it as a plea for pity, or an accurate reflection of

iansmitty December 8, 2018December 31, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

December 7 – Dan Bilzerian gets a gamboling gambler

December 7 – Dan Bilzerian gets a gamboling gambler

I used to play online poker for a living. If I was asked about it during a job interview today, I would say that those five years were instrumental in developing my abilities in financial management, game theory, risk assessment

iansmitty December 7, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

December 6 – Judd Apatow gets a slow show

December 6 – Judd Apatow gets a slow show

You have to deal with people who don’t know what they’re talking about talk about how your films should be shorter. These suits and wannabe suits look at data and point at graphs and say that some arbitrary number is

iansmitty December 6, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

December 5 – Ronnie O’Sullivan gets the games of life

December 5 – Ronnie O’Sullivan gets the games of life

Life is just a series of games, no matter who you are. Some are challenges thrust on you by the world, while others are goals of your own making, for your own amusement. Either way, it’s what keeps it all

iansmitty December 5, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

December 4 – Jeff Bridges gets ambitious videos to be made in my honour

December 4 – Jeff Bridges gets ambitious videos to be made in my honour

I’d like to make a film called Will in which I die in the opening scene, but in some funny, lighthearted, Darwin Awardy way so that nobody gets too broke up about it. In my final dispensation, I bestow to

iansmitty December 4, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more
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