Aries Spears You will headbutt a moving bus. The next day’s headline will read “Butthead Headbutts Head of Bus”. Even your grandmother laughs, albeit regretfully. The woman who wrote the headline is promoted to CFO of hunger pangs. Sutura Your
WoodMan
Measure twice, cut once. Swear twice. Measure three times, cut twice. You can’t cut twice. You only need two pieces. Measure three times, cut once still. Get someone else to measure. Cut once. Pay someone else to measure. Pay someone
The Wreck Beach Hug
A nude man passes a male and female standing up and glances in their direction. He recognizes the woman. “Hey! You’re…” “Jessie. Mark, right?” “Right! We met at the The conference last year.” Mark goes in for the hug. He’s
Man’s Best Friend
1. Your dog kills another dog using the biting technique. 2. The dead dog’s owner takes you and your dog to the authorities, who decide you must put him down. 3. You buy a similar dog to take his place
Marriage Barrage
Say yes to the dress Sing to the ring Read a menu for the venue Take showers for the flowers Sloppy kiss to eternal bliss Weddings are easy when you do them right.