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august

August 21 – Usain Bolt gets knocked out and gleeked at

August 21 – Usain Bolt gets knocked out and gleeked at

I am 21. I’m playing chess with a guy I just met, the younger brother of someone my friend is dating. The clock shows 3:22am. I’m definitely drunk, but not in any one of the ways you aim for when

iansmitty August 21, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

August 20 – Al Roker gets an uproarious prediction

August 20 – Al Roker gets an uproarious prediction

I am 20. It is a rainy June evening in the basement of a smoke-filled house. We are playing a drinking game that involves guessing the value of the next card in the deck. However many digits away from your

iansmitty August 20, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

August 19 – Fat Joe gets a college dropout’s arrest

August 19 – Fat Joe gets a college dropout’s arrest

I am 19. I am 19. I’m with my cousin and friend Peter as we enter the Breezeway, the campus bar at the university I unexpectedly dropped out of a couple of months earlier, spurred by a poker tournament win.¹

iansmitty August 19, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

August 18 – Kaitlin Olson gets soured on whiskey and hidden in the wild

August 18 – Kaitlin Olson gets soured on whiskey and hidden in the wild

I am 18. It’s Salmon Fest weekend in Grand Falls, and we leave town a day early to stay in Gander for the night so we can get a decent campsite. We go to Legends for a few drinks, where

iansmitty August 18, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

August 17 – Thierry Henry gets driven around

August 17 – Thierry Henry gets driven around

I am 17. I’m in the back of a loafing van, driving around during lunch. Alistair throws a small packet of maple syrup at a stranger on the street but it never reaches her, as it first explodes on Joe’s

iansmitty August 17, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

August 16 – Madonna gets a mortal combattant

August 16 – Madonna gets a mortal combattant

I am 16. I am at a party at Marina’s house. I am happily drunk and jumping high on a trampoline with a gaping hole near the middle. Her parents are out of town, and their place is encircled by

iansmitty August 16, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

August 15 – Natasha Henstridge gets a failing socialization

August 15 – Natasha Henstridge gets a failing socialization

I am 15. One morning during the second week of high school, large planes crash into larger buildings in strategic locations in the United States, which causes many air travellers coming west from Europe to become grounded in my city.

iansmitty August 15, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

August 14 – Halle Berry gets to meet the cool people

August 14 – Halle Berry gets to meet the cool people

I am 14. I’m at a birthday party at North Bank Lodge, in Pippy Park. A guy I know puts a cigarette out on my neck and laughs with no malice. I end up with a bottle of wine, stumbling

iansmitty August 14, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

August 13 – DeMarcus Cousins gets set back in confidence

August 13 – DeMarcus Cousins gets set back in confidence

I am 13. I have just finished boxing in a match at the premier’s house. His son, my friend, is having a birthday party, and he would occasionally steal his father’s car and drive us around the neighbourhood. Years later,

iansmitty August 13, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

August 12 – Mario Balotelli gets soccer balled

August 12 – Mario Balotelli gets soccer balled

I am 12. My soccer team is representing Newfoundland, not yet Newfoundland and Labrador, in a national tournament. We obtain a copy of today’s local newspaper, whose front page, above-the-fold, features the father of one of our forwards. Captioning the

iansmitty August 12, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more
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