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august

August 31 – Chris Tucker gets noxious halluminations and biliary hallucinotions

August 31 – Chris Tucker gets noxious halluminations and biliary hallucinotions

I am 31. The day after being the subject in a lengthy, complicated resection, I experience the cryptic process of death, finalizing in me waking up in my old, partial body. I am forced to to navigate myself through several

iansmitty August 31, 2018February 29, 2020 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

August 30 – Lisa Ling gets a stand up meltdown

August 30 – Lisa Ling gets a stand up meltdown

I am 30. I’m in Los Angeles, in the back of a comic book store, watching hopeful comedians say three minutes worth of material. My name is called and I walk onto the stage. I say this: Keep it going

iansmitty August 30, 2018December 31, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

August 29 – Carla Gugino gets an array of tests leading to a diagnosis

August 29 – Carla Gugino gets an array of tests leading to a diagnosis

I am 29. I am coughing uncontrollably with a constant headache, full-frontal dizziness, and most disconcertingly, an unqualified absence of energy. Each step I take requires a much needed resting period, which is rather foolish. My attempt at a jog,

iansmitty August 29, 2018December 31, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

August 28 – Shania Twain gets a product manager’s mid-morning break

August 28 – Shania Twain gets a product manager’s mid-morning break

I am 28. I’m on the 240 bus, headed to North Vancouver, the first half of my lengthy daily commute. Comedy Bang! Bang! is playing from my headphones while a woman unapologetically denigrates the strangers around her. I am the

iansmitty August 28, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

August 27 – Sarah Chalke gets settled near the warmer ocean

August 27 – Sarah Chalke gets settled near the warmer ocean

I am 27. I’m in a mansion in Kelowna they call Crescendo. We’re all sitting around a large table eating Thanksgiving dinner. This is the first real chance to get to know a lot of new people who would end

iansmitty August 27, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

August 26 – James Harden gets thoughts during a massage

August 26 – James Harden gets thoughts during a massage

I am 26. [4:00 on the clock.] Staring at the 00. Look at that. [Eyes close.] [Someone’s staring at me.] [Eyes open.] Yes, someone do be. I’m supposed to turn around. She keeps pointing at me to do it. I’m

iansmitty August 26, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

August 25 – Blake Lively gets joblogged

August 25 – Blake Lively gets joblogged

I am 25. I’m in a grocery store, listening to Roy Dotrice read me Game of Thrones as I continuously fill and unfill a shopping cart. After neglecting to either earn an income or pay attention to my bank account

iansmitty August 25, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

August 24 – Marlee Matlin gets late night malfeasance

August 24 – Marlee Matlin gets late night malfeasance

I am 24. It is the third day of me being far better than everyone else at winner-plays-on Tetris. I’m on my living room bed alongside Callahan and Romesh, and also Michiel and Judith, two Belgian couchsurfers staying with me

iansmitty August 24, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

August 23 – Kobe Bryant gets a solo adventure and a cousin switcheroo

August 23 – Kobe Bryant gets a solo adventure and a cousin switcheroo

I am 23. I leave town with very little notice or explanation to my apparent girlfriend. There’s a brief stopover in Toronto on my way to San Francisco, where Peter and I will start an adventure. I have a very

iansmitty August 23, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more

August 22 – Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje gets a dancing impersonation and an Iosian backtrack

August 22 – Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje gets a dancing impersonation and an Iosian backtrack

I am 22. I am on a resort in the Dominican Republic, the first week of a summer long vacation that also includes Toronto and much of Western Europe, a trip booked by my friend Bosh for the two of

iansmitty August 22, 2018December 30, 2018 HappyBirthdays No Comments Read more
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