The cleansing of the laundry should not be attempted as I am, but it must be done. I’ve let it go too long, and if not now, never. So down the stairs to the room with the machines, down the
October 20 – Snoop Dogg gets a struggle with a toaster
I return dejected to my suite, compulsed to eat. Home alone, I become a simile about digging my way to freedom as I scour the house for tasty treats. If there are no more chips, or the candy is no
October 19 – John Lithgow gets a grocery store transaction
I’m wandering around the grocery store with a vague list in my head. I find what I suppose I need and proceed to the counter. One of the impulse items staring at me is a bag of dill pickle chips,
October 18 – Jean-Claude Van Damme gets a boy trapped in a refrigerator who eats his own foot
It is rather spacious in here. Like, the space, there’s tons of it. I know I’m only a little fella, but this beats sharing a room with that meathead who hits me but pretends it’s me hitting myself but it’s
October 17 – Norm Macdonald gets an anxious turtle named Dylan
The window grew smaller with each day, but still Dylan preferred his seat on the top of the couch, legs dangling over the edge, face facing the outside. He watched the other turtles play, and even though he told his
October 16 – Flea gets animal collective nouns
I wake up in my sleeping pod to the sun’s rays scurrying in through the window. My leg dangles over the side of the bed until the rest of my body is ready to take on the day. Not a
October 15 – Emeril Lagassé gets potential Brunch episodes
You, as a food cooker through and through, must have mixed feelings about the meal we call brunch. The cuisine, which you’ve dedicated your life to, plays secondary violin to the shared experience with friends for which the restaurant has
October 14 – Usher Raymond gets words to live by
Do you like words? Me too! And not only the ones I make up myself. Want to hear a few actual ones that give me the straight up lock-down willies? Some make the list based on how they sound or
October 13 – Sacha Baron Cohen gets advice from a man in a suit in a kiosk on a street
I punch in my redundant PIN number and request twenty smackeroos, which I’m handed stiffly by the supposed clerk on the other side of the envelope-sized slot. Hurrying back to the suited kiosked man, I trip and stumble over a
October 12 – Hugh Jackman gets a man in a suit in a kiosk on a street
Strolling down Water Street, I pass a homemade kiosk containing a well-dressed proprietor and an attached sign declaring, in bright green letters, that the man inside will provide surreal yet sound financial advice for a single dollar. Before today I