I am an actor on Saturday Night Live and it is almost 11:30pm. On my way to the bathroom a producer stops me and sends me back. “Oh no, you have to go on now.” I don’t know any lines, but he has faith that I’ll be funny. During the cold open, the host, Reginald VelJohnson, mentions baseball, so I chime in, “You can do it. Hit it out of the park.” Unfortunately the line doesn’t have quite the punch I’m hoping for, so Lorne stops the show and takes me aside, telling me to do better. I do not. After the show I’m fired by Ken Marino and am kind of relieved. Kelly tells me I did great anyway.

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