We’re hanging out at Emily and Matt’s place, mainly in their outdoor living room in the middle of winter. Danny couldn’t make it but is being fittingly portrayed by Will Arnett.

John has a noticeable scruff, and when I see it I’m reasonably blown away. The room gets awkward like I wasn’t supposed to bring it up. But it wouldn’t have made any sense if I didn’t mention it – it was way too much face hair for a kid.

At one point we leave to go bowling. As we’re walking to the car, someone realizes I don’t have anything on my feet. I dismiss then and try to keep going anyway, but everyone’s like, “Smitty, there’s snow EVERYWHERE – you can’t be Bigfoot!” I assume they mean barefoot, but this way is better.

Either way, I relent and we all turn back, although I’m upset that I’m making everyone late. Their roommate is there now and he has a few friends over. One of them is Amy Schumer, who brought her tiny baby son. I tip his car seat over halfway to see if my boots are under it. He’s strapped in tightly but he still gives me a look like I can’t be at that. The roommate is mostly cool but complains to me that Emily and Matt always forget to deadbolt the door, and so the draft is always getting in. I tell him I don’t care about his roommate issues, which is true.

Their landlord shows up too, a young guy. Matt is behind on payments for duck eggs and the landlord threatens to cut off delivery. “I know you’re a busy man, but someone’s gotta pay for these eggs and it’s not gonna be me.”

Duck Eggs
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