Even being a famous, popular rich guy, you still have the wherewithal to pin this Horace Greeley quote to your Twitbox:

“Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, riches take wings. Only one thing endures, and that is character.”

And god damn, he (and by extension, you) is (are) right. Characters are integral to every story, and they should be multi-dimensional in order to be truly believable. I already gave Hank a rundown of some of my most catchphrasable, but there are others that have yet to see the light of the screen and become actualized on the digital page. Here’s a little preview of those fully developed characters:

  • Graham Featherson – the Mahatma Gandhi of vacuum salesmen
  • Ginger Dale – the Graham Featherson of soda factory production managers
  • Roger Wilco – was told he was named after his uncle who died a bloody death in a bloodier war; was lied to
  • Roger Wright – all of his lines include titles of movies he’s never seen
  • Connie Chiwa – the mute narrator stroke victim
  • Nelson Griffith – mood swinger for no apparent or real reason
  • Miranda Garrity – rights the wrongs while never losing her sense of style
  • Isabelle & Isabeast – twins, separated at birth, reunited minutes later
  • Nick Diggers – regular guy who happened to have been raised by wolves
  • Bobbie Dunbar – clueless and delusional; always trying to impress everyone
  • Alberto Wareham – from Arnold’s Cove
  • Bart Gossner – can see into people’s souls, but only when he’s trying to get out of a speeding ticket
  • Lesley Moore – minimalist
  • Holly Morgan – travelling twirlything
  • Drew Morgan – musician Holly’s binary star
  • Marshall Stackman – subtly rhymes all his sentences with the other’s person’s last
  • Josh Rogan – won’t shut up about folklore, historical stories, mythology
  • Chamois Foley – narcoleptic insomniac
  • Patrick Tern – textile artist with an ashtray that’s always filling up
  • Dan/Daniel/Danny – good guy/s
  • Doug/Douglas/Dougie – bad guy/s
  • Moogy – confident loner; passive observer; his silence makes people misattribute words and thoughts to him
  • Corbo Smoosh – has been on both extremities and is ready for the average
  • Mister E – only character is his story who understands the concept of logic; everyone else is crazy, but in the same way; a reliable narrator in an unreliable world.

While they are all alive and well in my head, you can borrow them for your own characters free of charge, since apparently it’s the main thing that you value. The only credit I need is a tiny wink the next time you’re getting your photo taken on a crimson runner.

September 30 – Eric Stoltz gets a characters study
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