You must be so sick of the Tiny Dancer people telling you they confuse the line with your name. And rightfully so. But these misheard lines, they’re not all about getting you to hold people closer – they’re about everything, and they’re everywhere.

OMC could have made some serious coin if their manager could get them on a Domino’s jingle. “Slab of ‘za, slab of ‘za.” And Romney might’ve won in 2012 if his campaign song was, “Who gives a fuck about Barack Obama?” but Vampire Weekend refused to license it to him. The National Word Association at one point fought for The National to officially change a line in one of their songs to, “My mind is racing line a pronoun,” and it’s still up in the air as to whether or not they were successful. While it’s obvious that Kendrick is not on the po po’s team, it might be more impactful in the greater scheme if he did, in fact, hate pulled pork instead.

I know a girl who never picked up on an intended lyric in her life. Her Wernicke’s area has a filthy mind, and as she sings along to music she can’t even consider that her interpretation is different from the songwriter’s. ”We filled this titty with sil-i-cone!” completely misses the anthemic tribute to the genre of rock and/or roll. And the weekend is barely being anticipated when instead, “Everybody’s jerking off their boyfriend.” Her version of a Paul Simon song, which goes, “I can gather all the Jews I need on the Schindler report, ” might have a pro-semitic connotation, but knowing her, probably not. Sometimes she starts off in the right direction and tosses herself off course, like with Billy’s, “He’s talkin’ with Davy, who looks like a lady, and wants to be somebody’s wife.” Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but Joel has a hard enough time getting people to listen to him when he looks like a friggin’ Guess Who? character.

April 21 – Tony Danza gets objectionable mondegreens
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